We're in!

We have a new address and a house full of boxes. Loads of ‘incidentals’ that crop up and cost a fortune; like a post box – seems so primitive to merely cut a slot in the front door – how quaint. Oh no, we have to shell out $400 on a limestone box with a slot that sits at the bottom of the driveway so that Postman ‘Sodding lazy’ Pat doesn’t have to part his arse with the motorcycle seat! Oh? You want house numbers, so that said lazy Postman will know whose mail to post through the slot? That’ll be extra….. as will the padlock to stop any nosy parkers or cheque sniffers opening your flap and stealing the goods! Total cost $450. Having your post delivered safely and cosseted? Priceless!

The move went OK (as moves go). I’m not moving again EVER. I really mean it this time. Moving sucks! I don’t know how we can accumulate so much crap between us; but we do and it’s expensive and time consuming carting it from one hovel to another. Anymore and I shall become a snail and just live in a camper van; sitting in my own waste and detritus like Mr Trebas from ‘A Life of Grime’.

We are, however, ‘in’ and the house is bew-te-ful.

I shall take this opportunity to show you all round (seeing as I haven’t given you any photos for months). Considering we’ve not been in a week yet and some of these photos were taken after 24 hours, I think we’re looking pretty good! The office needs some attention, but I don’t know where to start, so I walk in sit down, ponder for a few minutes and then decide to come back to it later!

So first up; here’s the view from the street. We haven’t had all the paving finished yet at the back, so until that phase is completed, there is no grass or planting; this is the last thing that’s done.

We’ve had the pipe work laid for the retic as this needs to be in places under the paving in certain areas – like round the pool for pot plants.

The path to the laundry - yes ALL trades leave their mess behind! The man at the dump loves us!

A few more cuts to do and the paving will be finished!

These photos show the dining room. To the right of these photos is the lounge and through the windows is to pool (to the back of the house).

Here's the view of the stairs from the lounge:

Then comes Paul’s baby – the home theatre.

In here we can watch TV, Foxtel (like Sky), DVD’s, listen to SONOS (on demand music via the internet) and eventually plug in an Xbox or PS3 (once we’ve bought one :o) It’s a really cool room.

We built a stage for the seats, so that the back row is raised and there are no arguments over who has to sit at the back as there are heads in the way.

Here’s the master bedroom.

Our furniture looks really cool in here. There’s a plasma to be hung on the wall, but the theatre guys ran out of time last week, so they’re coming back next Friday to finish off the rest of the work – like hanging both plasmas and installing the in-ceiling speakers for the lounge and the al fresco.

I did the kids activity room today.

They have a sofa bed in here – just in case Paul and I should ever lose our sanity again and allow the kids to have a sleep over. This is also going to be the ‘spare’ room for when the Nan’s come over. If the bed’s really uncomfy, I’ll chuck one of the kids in here and the Nan’s can have their room.

Darcie’s room looks really homely and comfy already.

We’ve got her name up on the wall and just need a few more sticky hooks to get her other personal bits and bobs dotted around the place. I love Darcie’s room – think it’s the little girl in me!

Everything’s pink and fluffy and there are lots of cushions to lounge on – girl-heaven!

Darcie and Sam both have a flat screen TV in their rooms too! Talk about lucky!!! They can watch Foxtel on them too. Sam is in ‘Simpson’s’ heaven – yeuch!

Ad’s room is cool.

He’s got his train table in there, his storage unit and his ‘Gordon’ and there’s still loads of floor space for him to litter with his toys. We lost one of the castors on his bed in the move, so the base is sitting on the floor at the moment, but I’ll see if I can get a replacement from the bed shop this week. He quite likes the new house. He still manages to navigate the stairs at night and he ends up in bed with us by the morning! He was a little scared by the strange howling noise he heard on the first night, which turned out to be the air con, but he’s settled in OK – all things considered.

I haven’t touched Sam’s room and have let him arrange it as he wanted it (it’s changed THREE times already this week). I didn’t want to interfere, but he’s said today that he would like me to do it for him, so I’ll have a go at ‘Mummy-fying’ it for him whilst he’s at school this week.

You can’t see in the photos, but every one of the kid’s rooms and the activity has three full size mirrored wardrobe doors that slide. Not only do they make the rooms look light, bright and even bigger, but the storage they offer is fantastic!

The dog has been the most unsettled of all of us following the move. The first night he cried and cried. It must have been so strange for him! Bless. But he seems to have adapted a little more – especially after we put an off-cut of carpet in his kennel (which he preceded to shred! – oh, he poo’d and wee’d on the tiles as well yesterday as he doesn’t know which door to run to to tell us he needs to go out :o(

Paul and I are frazzled. It still seems a little strange to have finally moved in to the house that has been part of our lives for the last two years! I’m sorry if this is a boring, braggy post, but this is a major achievement for us. To eventually be able to move into the house that we designed and watch grow and evolve in front of us is massive! The kids put up with a lot with us working and moaning; one day (hopefully) they’ll realise what it’s all been about! We can now put some permanent roots down. I’ll miss Secret Harbour Boulevard. It was a lovely house and enabled us to grow the business – having a ‘proper’ office certainly helped. How Paul put up with the garage in the old house, I’ll never know! Just watch this space to see what we can achieve now we have a plush, spacious office with all mod-cons! The world’s our lobster!

If you want to know our new address just send me an email. The cheap number we set up from the UK (3p per minute) still remains unchanged, so you can still reach us on that number.

OK – sentimental post over (that’s twice now…..). Welcome to the new chapter in our lives. Next step permanent residency! There’s no stopping us now!

And finally.... here's the photo that started it all. Us standing on the block of land that would one day have our house sitting on it! I shall take a photo this week of us all standing by the front door and post it on here for comparison.

We've come a long way, baby!!

OK, OK, I know I shouldn't be here, but this is my 'therapy' (along with the gin bottle, that is - and I've already hit that this evening :o)

I should be packing - or unpacking. Or cleaning. Or organising. But I'm knackered. We're doing quite well. I have taken boxes and boxes of stuff over the house - a lot of it *shamefully* that we haven't even touched since it was packed up in WGC! It's been sat in the garage in a little time warp; gathering mouse shit and dust. Some of Paul's clothes that I discovered are almost back in fashion! I SAID ALMOST! ha ha ha.

Had a little 'lump in the throat' moment today. It would have been Dad's birthday and as I was merrily unpacking a box of kitchen stuff, hidden in the bottom was a bottle of Famous Grouse - Dad's favourite tipple. It was like a sign that Dad was with me. Probably stupid, and it was only a bottle of whisky (that we sneaked through Customs which Dad would have approved of, I'm sure), but I found it comforting - especially given the relevance of the date and the fact that I chose today to unpack this box.

I had another moment like this in the week when Mum sent me though a necklace with a pendant on it with 'best daughter' on it. Mum and I have always had an on-going laugh about the 'No 1 Mum' pendants that you can buy in Argos. She threatened me for years with buying me one for Christmas, or my birthday, or Mother's Day, or.... well, she just threatened me a lot with them as they were my pet hate :o) But I was really touched that she'd sent it. Sometimes I think I'm the worst daughter in the world for moving to Oz and taking the grandkids with me; but it was just something we had to do. I think having lost my Dad and Paul's Dad fairly young in life, it was a big wake up call for us both and we didn't want to reach retirement age without having 'experienced' life - or at least had an 'adventure' of sorts. It warms my heart to think that Mum doesn't resent me for doing this. It was the hardest thing we had to do that day we left for Heathrow, but..... I don't know - do you ever feel that things happen for a reason? The way that our plans all fell into place? We couldn't have planned the timing any better than it happened. I just have a strong feeling that in years to come, we'll know WHY we had to move here. Be it that Adam runs for Parliament, or Darcie becomes a Vet (her current career choice) or Sam joins the Australian Navy (after his favourite TV programme)..... there's just something that will be a 'eureka' moment and the penny will drop. Anyhow, I just want Mum to know that I love her heaps. I miss her everyday; there's not a day when I don't think about her or think 'I must remember to tell Mum that', or email her with the day's goings on. Thanks for supporting us (in every way). We all love you with all our heart Mum- thank you :o) OK... blink tears from eyes and move on......

OK, melancholy moment over (that'll be the gin - lol - or the anti-depressants (which you probably shouldn't mix with the gin, but I'm smiling all right????!).

Darcie had her assembly yesterday and was brilliant! She had a few words to say right at the end of their item and addressed the school with such confidence!!

Here she is in full flow.

There's no way on earth that I could have done it at her age. She was absolutely fab and put her whole heart and soul into the songs.

Stunner :o)

She looked so beautiful too. She's growing up. Even Paul had to admit that I 'turned out a good one' (?) with Darcie.

Addressing the school.

We gave her an iPod as a reward afterwards. She's so placid and helps a lot with Adam when we're trying to work. She never asks for anything and she's had a rough time over the last few weeks with a few little hic cups that have upset her at school and we both felt that she deserved a bit of a treat. She was really chuffed with it and Sam loaded on some LBC podcasts for her along with all her favourite songs. A happy little bunny.

Sam has been a complete reprobate lately. I won't go into it here in great depth, but it involved a phone call from the Deputy Principal last Friday and Sam is in DEEP WATER!! I think he's having his 'attitude' delivered in bulk by a courier at the moment. Good grief, I didn't expect this sort of challenge from him at the age of 10. At the end of the day, he is Paul's son and it's the 'nature versus nurture' debate. The fact that they both clash is because they are so similar. I'm sure Sam will develop into a well rounded individual (ultimately), but he's a real challenge at the moment. His punishment is three months grounded and dog poo duty for that period, so you can gauge for yourself the severity of the 'crime' :o(

Adam has got over his 'blip' at school with 'piss-gate'. We think (after much probing) that the issue was caused by the teachers putting a ping pong ball in the toilet for the boys to aim at. Adam obviously took offence to this and decided he would rather piss in his joggers. Fair point! Luckily, the cleaners removed a pp ball from one of the stalls (trap one, Adam's favourite) and all is harmonious in his little four year old world once more.

The kids seem to be doing a tag-team of problems at the moment. Adam had piss-gate, then passed the baton to Darcie who was upset at school who then passed the baton to Sam who well and truly dropped it and has since been bashed round the head with it. Blooming kids! No wonder I’ve got more grey hair than a badgers bum.

I would say that Paul has been on my side and not causing any of the worries, but he’s had an eye test this week and they have decided that he needs glasses. His sight has been getting worse lately – he has trouble reading small(ish) writing when it’s close to his face (old age syndrome, I think it’s known as!). It wasn’t helped by me making the appointment for him and giving his name as Mr Magoo, the almost-blind cartoon character. I said to the receptionist to keep an eye out for him and if he was asking for an eye test at the butchers next door, matters were worse than we anticipated. We’ll get Mr Magoo some specs once we’ve moved and things are more ‘sorted’ – I know, I can dream, can’t I?

Sam has to give a talk to school next week on his future chosen career path. I thought it was really sweet when he said he wanted to be a salesman like Dad. See, I told you they are uncannily similar. Paul decided that he wanted to be a salesman too like his Dad as he quite liked the idea of a new car and being able to plan your own workday. I think Sam sees the nice things we’ve got and thinks he’ll have a slice of that too. Of course, it’s not down to the business, it’s our new venture ‘Dolphin on a stick’ that brings in the revenue…. Oh, and the thousands of dollars I ‘invest’ every week at the casino.

The weather’s turned now and it’s cold and rainy. It’s a soul-less place in the winter. Our new swimming pool has been cleaned and could be swam in now, so it’s as if its taunting us with its turquoise blue waters in the driving rain. Oh, well – there’s always next summer :o(

You can't see the iceberg from this angle.

We managed a trip out on the boat last weekend and took the kids to ‘five fathom bank’. No, it’s not a watery branch of the TSB (lol), but where the shelf plunges from 13 metres in depth down to about 40+ metres and all the fishy dudes hang out. We were hoping to catch a few said fishy dudes, but didn’t – we’re not very good fisher-people.

Adam took this photo of Darcie and I on the boat - not bad for a 4 year old!

There’s been a whale wash up at Rottnest this week. It was alive and they were trying to get it back into the water (NO! It wasn’t me in a swim suit before you comment!), but it had to be put down in the end. The coast guard is on high alert now as the whale carcass attracts shark. Free meal at the all you can eat Whale Buffet – hard to resist. Paul and I took the boat out for a quick blam last Monday whilst the kids were at school, just to keep the barnacles off the prop, and as we were headed out to the ocean, a pod of three dolphins were on our wake. They were scooting along, literally a foot from the back of the boat, riding along in the steam of water the prop was pushing out. They put on a lovely show for us – doing 360 degree turns under the water, so you could see their bellies. They also jumped right out of the water, level with where I was standing on the back of the boat. It was magical and I was really choked up. I didn’t have my camera with me though as we were only going for a quick scoot up the river – damn and blast :o( Still, I enjoyed it :o)

I’ve added a few pictures of Pentley this week for your delight and delectation. Yes, he’s still with us. The furry fleabag is a complete looney – every day he bashes his nose on the wall when he turns round; misjudging the size (for a change). He’s OK, but would be a hundred times better if he didn’t nibble things when we let him in the house; felt tips and pencils are his favourites and his personal best is 1 minute, 28 seconds from being let into the house and destroying something, having his arse kicked and being thrown back outside in the cold. Not bad going.

From 'AAAaaahhhhhhhhhh'

To 'EEEEEEEWWWwwwwwwwwwww'

Roll up, roll up. Place your bets. Which one's the dog and which one's the 10 year old?

No harmless animal is safe from the furry f*ckwit in 'destroy' mode as this innocent kangaroo shows :o( He has no mercy. When the poor toy screamed for his life, Pentley laughed - evil that dog - or maybe he's caught a virus from Adam during their love-in.

..........Oh, how we laughed......

It's Mother's Day here in Oz today. Thank you for your kind wishes :o)

The kids have been just as annoying as usual (if not worse for trying to be better, if that makes ANY sense whatsoever????), Paul took us for a quick 'off roading' experience in the car on the way home from doing some jobs at the house, and got the Prado stuck in the sand, and then - the cherry on the cake - hired me a 'chick flick' dvd from Video Ezy that we all snuggled down to watch this afternoon that verged on a soft porn movie! It had Ben Stiller in it for goodness sakes, so we thought (naively!) how bad could it be!? Very, was the answer. Even the dog blushed at the part that featured a horse with an erection trying to mate with a Mexican lady!

So, as you can tell, Mother's Day has been anything but uneventful!

We did some work over the house, which involved burying......(wait for it....not the dog.....no, not Sam, but that was a good guess!) the base for the patio umbrella. We've buried it so that only the hole for the brolly is visable and the paver can then pave round it. We've concreted it in as the umbrella is a really large, cantilever one which, when the wind catches it can become airborne with all the force of the new, double-deck Boeing.

The paver came back last week and paved the steps to the front of the house and the bullnosing round the pool. He's got another job to go to and then he's coming back to finish off the garden - hence us having to get the base buried if we want him to pave round it. He's an awkward bu**er, so if it's not done before he starts, you've got two hopes of him helping!

It's been an eventful week this week. Darcie was sent home from school again this week with a tummy ache, but I think we've got to the bottom of what was causing her to keep coming home and it wasn't medical. Hopefully, we'll keep an eye on things, but they should improve on that score.

Adam was also sent home from school early when his school phoned me and informed me that he'd had an accident. 'What?' said I, 'an 'accident, accident' or a 'wet himself' accident?' It turned out to be the latter and although he had a change of clothing in his bag, it had gone (and I quote), 'right through to his socks and he's very, very upset'. Not as upset as I was at 12 o'clock having to go back to school to pick him up, I can tell you! I've paid for a full day - a pair of p*ss stained socks shouldn't interfere with that :o) I quickly gauged for myself just how upset he was as I found him fully installed in the staff room, eating his lunch with the teachers!!! I can see this beginning a pattern now..... if I wee myself, I can have lunch with the top bods! He looked like the cat that got the cream. So tomorrow, as well as threatening him with not sleeping during rest time (he's the only one in the class to nod off and then the teacher can't wake him for love nor money...... erm, who does that sound like? All she needs to add is snoring and a little dribble and he'd be a mini Paul :o) we now have to ensure that he holds his bladder long enough to make it to the toilet!!

See what I mean about his 'bollies' needing their own postcode?

We 'wormed' the dog this week. After an 'interesting' session trying to get a very large dog to sit on a set of domestic weighing scales, we eventually managed and got his weight as being just under 30kg, which interestingly is just what Miss Parcel weighs too...... so if we ever need to worm her, we'll know exactly how many tablets to give her crushed in her dinner too! We managed to get a photo of him 'smiling' today..... he also has that look on his face as if to say 'get it out of your system for God's sake and leave me alone already!' He puts up with a lot.

I think the expression in his eyes says it all :o)

I make him bark like a looney when I threaten him with a flip flop. He runs round the house baring his teeth and ready to mame.

Sam's been picked for the school soccer team as well now! I'm not saying he's not sporty, but I shall be looking out for the 'Mrs Robinson' syndrome with his female sports teacher! Sam has already said that he's one of her favourites lol! He has friendly matches every Wednesday afternoon during school time, which pleases Sam greatly. The team is made up of Year 7 and 6 players and Sam is the only one to have been selected from Year 5. Can't see it myself..... but then that's me back to being good old supportive Mother material (NOT).

Darcie has her school assembly on 21st May, so they are practising hard. Her class are singing Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree (which I used to sing in Brownies - although with slightly different words. I think verse two goes something like this:

Kookaburra sits on the electric wire

feeling very hot with his pants on fire

*will get the rest of the verse when Darcie wakes up tomorrow, but it's strange!*)

Should be good. Darcie's got to fashion herself a tail from a pair of tights and some stuffing. I look forward to posting the photos. Sam also has his assembly this term, but I don't think it's for a while yet. Can't cope with too much excitement in one hit.

So, that's about it from this update. I'll upload a few photos over the week when I've taken them off the camera. Our house is gradually looking more bare as we transport carloads of crap over to 'Arfur'. It will be lovely to have one house looking nice, rather than two houses looking completely chaotic. Might get round to posting some photos of the house soon too.... just always want that 'next bit' done before I post the pictures!

Take care guys x

We have a moving date (:-8


We are moving into the new house on Monday 26th May. Up til then, I've got sorting, packing, chucking out, more packing, a little cleaning, running a business, ferrying various children around the Metropolitan area, attempting to keep things oprganised, (so I know where the 'stray' sock is in a blind panic at 8.27am), preparing packed lunches, counselling services to a husband, dating advice for a 10 year old, gardening to be done...... all leave is cancelled. Sleep is for the weak. Wanna swap places? Thought not!


We need to seriously think about chopping Pentley's nuts off too. They are so large now, they have applied for their own postcode and the testosterone they are emitting could fuel a few Adam's apples in a sex-change clinic! He is *huge* now, so when he jumps up for a 'cuddle' he knocks the kids backwards off their feet. It's prompted a few 'birds and bees' conversations in our house, I can tell you.


Conversation example one:
'Why has Pentley got that red bit on the end of his willy, Mum?'.
'Oh...... is that the time? Come on kids, we're late for school!'
'Mum - it's four o'clock. We've been to school and come home again. Why is his willy red?'
'Ask your Father'.


Conversation example two:
'Mum, why is the dog 'humping' Sam?'
'Eerrr...... how do you learn these words? Is it the children at school leading you astray?'
'No Mum. I've known about humping for ages! Why is he trying to have puppies with my brother - doesn't he know Sam's a boy too?'
'He's just a little confused, darling'
'Oh I know all about that. He must be GAY'

Conversation example three:
'Mum..... why is the dog licking his willy'

'...........because he can!'

Sam's school swimming team got a mention in the school newsletter this week: http://www.secretharbourps.det.wa.edu.au/newsletter/Archived%20Newsletters/2008/29th%20April%202008.pdf The well behaved and presented bit was obviously when Sam popped to the loo. His behaviour is pants lately and he's taken to gelling his hair so he looks like Sonic the Hedgehog. No wonder Pentley's taken a shine to him - probably thinks he's a labradoodle or a cockaleekie (or some other stupid cross-breed names that they give the poor mongrels these days. As if its not bad enough that your Mum and Dad are from different breeds, you than have to face the life long humiliation of being known as a groodle). I digress...... Yeay! Go Secret Harbour Swim Team!!!


I'm wracking my brain now trying to think what other news we have, but I can't think of much that you'd be interested in to be honest! We've been working, cleaning out garages (argh!), doing school stuff, having public holidays...... it's the same shit as England, but the bucket's shinier. Ohh... add 'bucket shining' to the list then.


The new house is annoying us now as we just want to move in. Everytime we have to go over we take a box, or twenty. My hope is that on moving day, the removal guys and the lorry will just be doing the large furniture and a few boxes. I would like the bulk of it already done and unpacked by then (well, a girl can hope, can't she???) The removal fairies might turn up and do it all for me. I've been a good girl all year and the bloody Easter Bunny ignored me, so I think it's the least someone in Fairyland can do for me :o(

I might sneak over one night and have a spa bath all alone before we all move on .....bliss. I have candles and I shall get a good book and bugger off for an hour or two on my own. With any luck (and a fair wind) I might manage 20 minutes before someone notices I'm missing - yeah right! The kids can't seem to breathe at the moment without me following behind whispering in their ears.....' and in........ and out.......and in........and out.......' I filled the bath up the other day when I was cleaning the en suite and thought I would try it and make sure that it was working OK. It took an AGE to fill up, but I went outside to plug the spa pump in (they are all mounted on an outside wall to keep the noise down). I plugged it in, but someone had pushed the 'ON' button on the side of the bath. It whirred into action. Yeay, I thought and wandered back into the bathroom (round the side of the house). Until I got to the bathroom and realised that most of the spa jets were pointed to the ceiling and water was being pumped over the floor and up the walls faster than an episode of 'London's Burning'. Great!!! Took me three quarters of an hour mopping that one up, so I've already been 'bitten' by the spa bath.

The kids have their names on a rota that they've drawn up for the bath and I'm sure even the dog has sneaked his name down for a Wednesday.

Big news this week!

After two years of pain, heartache and bullshit, we collected the keys to our new house from the builders yesterday. So, finally it’s ours! (oh…. yes, and the banks!). We are lucky in as much as we have been able to get the carpets in, the walls painted and the floor tiling done – most people aren’t able to start any of this until hand over, so although the builders have messed us around chronically, at least we are slightly ahead of the game in that respect.

The paver has reached a compromise with us and is prepared to finish the rest of the job, which is another relief! I’ve got the carpet installers coming tomorrow to explain the butcher-job that they’ve done on our new, virgin walls and we have the blind company coming on Thursday to sort out the issues with those. The alarm was connected today by our friendly tech, Jason.

We had to go into the builders offices in Perth to collect the keys. There was a manual as thick as your arm with all the information on the appliances and all the guarantees etc and we were given the keys and a little ‘congratulations’ gift. However, as soon as we got back to the house, we realised the bleeding door key doesn’t fit the front door!! We had a choice of ‘white wine’ or ‘white wine’ as all the red had gone (surprise!)




There’s still a lot of cleaning to be done in the house. I don’t think I’ve ever seen as much dust! Actually, that’s a blatant lie, obviously. Have you seen my housekeeping skills? Paul and I leave memos for each other scrawled in the dust on my desk. I get all my ‘mothering’ skills from my Mum. Hoovering is done diligently once a fortnight (whether it needs doing or not!). I bought a carpet sweeper today in Woolies. The old fashioned one that was used in the days of dinosaurs and no electricity. I remember my Nan used to have one. I was excited to unpack it tonight and had 10 minutes unbridled pleasure tormenting the pants off the dog before the kids took it off me and spoilt my fun :o(

So, everytime we go to the house now, we have to take something with us; that way we’ll slowly start to accumulate our things at the new house without having to break our backs doing it all in one hit.

We had a fab trip out on the boat on Sunday - our longest ever journey. We made it all aroung Garden Island and the small island to the top left is Rottnest. We were only about 16 miles away - that's our lifelong ambition, to take the boat to Rottnest! Oh, we're such salty sea dogs!



The 'E' is Secret Harbour (home) and the 'S' is where the boat is moared in Mandurah. Good going, eh?

We anchored twice too (aren't we getting efficient) and Paul and the kids did some fishing. We didn't catch anything (or see any dolphins as close as Paul did!), but it was fun trying.



And last for today, here's a photo of Miss Parcel, just because she looks beautiful and thoughtful in it:

Cheery bye!

Well here we are again.

The kids broke up for their two weeks off today. Adam had a sickness bug on Sunday that meant he had Monday off school. Paul then caught it and was in bed most of Wednesday and Thursday and then I got a phone call from school today asking me to come and collect Darcie at 2.30pm as she had vomited, then Sam complained that he didn't feel well when he got home and he has been spewing (good use of the Aussie narrative!) all evening. Welcome to the holidays! The only question remaining is when one of the little darlings will give it to me! Usually I have the constitution of an Ox, but with the pressure we're under, there's bound to be a chink in my Oxen-armour..... watch this space!

It's been a really busy week. Darcie had her check up with the Dentist on Monday. It's a 45 minute drive from our house and our appointment was 8.45am yeay - NOT. She had a session with the hygenist and saw Peter (the children's dentist) and he has now referred her to a (I keep wanting to say Ornithologist, but I know this isn't right!) orthodontist. She has a (medical speak coming up.... are you ready?) Class II malocclusion and a right unilateral crossbite. She also may need a spacer to retain the space where her tooth was removed. Sounds awful, doesn't it? Basically it means that she's got an overbite and her teeth don't line up and her bottom teeth overlap her top ones in places. Sounds blooming expensive though, I know that much. It can cost as much as $ 5,000 for a brace! Bearing in mind that her extraction set us back $ 1500 WITH insurance and we've used the year's allowance up for that already, it could be an expensive set of nashers! Thank god Sam's 'Beaver Boy' teeth have settled down now and he can knaw trees with the best of them. Adam's look a bit dodgy in terms of crossbite, but coz he sucks his thumb, I'm hoping this will help shift them about a little :o)

I thought you might like to see Darcie's x-ray of her teeth. Now this has completely amazed me. I know how the teeth work and that they must be 'sitting there' waiting to be called into action, but it never dawned on me that you would be able to see all this in an x-ray. Just how amazing is this picture? I could look at it for hours (it cost me $70, so I shall, OK?).

Other news....

Sam had his first inter school swimming competition today. He swims breast stroke (has natural frog feet apparently :o) and has been coming on in leaps (frog..... geddit?) and bounds. He tried out for the school team (can't remember if I told you that I had discouraged him for fear that he wouldn't get in), and made it. There have been several training sessions at the local pool commencing at 7.30 til 8.15am and he's gone to as many as we could manage (we've had dentists, sick children and a Teddy Bear's Breakfast to contend with as well this week!). Today was the competition and he travelled by coach to Rockingham to compete against the other five schools. Well, I am hugely proud to tell you that Sam finished FIRST in his individual race, second in the breast stroke relay team and fourth overall in the medley relay team. GO SAM! He came home absolutely exhausted, bless him. He even phoned us to ask if we could pick him up in the car as he was too knackered to ride his bike home, and them promptly spent the evening being sick. I think as well he was quite nervous and hadn't drunk enough water. All in all, not a good combination - but well done Sam!!! He's trying out for the soccer team now too. I think there's more swimming throughout the year as well, so he'll certainly get fit.

Darcie's been learning about chickens and they've hatched eggs in their class. She's really enjoyed it (KFC - yum), but they were whizzed back to their farm this week for fattening up - ahem, sorry, I mean a long, leisurely life of egg laying and fouraging. She's got a lot to look forward to next term; she's going up a stage in reading books, it's her class assembly next term and they are having an excursion - don't know where to yet though. Exciting stuff when you're 7.

Adam has turned a real corner and is enjoying school! I can leave him in the mornings by sitting him on the mat, giving him a kiss and then walking out the door. I do not have him stuck to my leg like a limpet any more; no crying and running after me as I leave. It's ace! He really likes his teacher and her assistant. I'm not convinced he's got many friends yet. I'm surprised really - seeing as he's got Sam and Darcie to play with, I'd have thought he'd be more confident, but he's quite shy around other kids. He should have gone to a compulsory 'College Sunday' last week for an hour when all the school were having one big sort of assembly, but he starting vomiting about 11am, so we couldn't go. It was organised like a military operation though. You were only allowed one ticket per child and it was properly printed like a theatre ticket from the local Performing Arts Centre where the performance was held! I'm sure we'll get to attend another one next term. Seeing as the theme was Easter, and Adam's is a Christian school, it would have made a refreshing change to have heard something about the true meaning of Easter, rather than the 'chocolate, bunnies and rabbits' that we had from Sam and Darcie's school Easter Assembly. It was really quite shocking.

Oh and the other week, the kids had their annual beach carnival again. They loved it. They get just as much fun out of walking en mass to the beach with all their mates as they do from the activities. Darcie threw herself into it and had a whale of a time, but Sam was more interested in looking cool and hanging out with the chicks! I got fed up in the end; took two photos of him with his hands on his hips looking 'moody' and left the beach.

We have paid the final installment to the builder for the house now. So on Monday, we are going in to Perth to collect the key. It should be a happy time, but we've had so many rows lately with the builder (again) and the other trades, that we're battle weary, tired and very fed up:o(

The painters have been in and it looks lovely. I'm really pleased that we chose some bold colours in some rooms; I think it works well. But then the carpet layers come in after the painters and have gouged great chunks out of the plaster by being careless. I've complained to the carpet company and they are sending an assessor out next week. It's not on. Also, the blinds are in, but some aren't hung straight, a few have pin holes in them or dirty marks or the wooden battening is split. Again - I'm complaining...... do you see a theme developing here? I'm sick of my own voice.

The accountant's done our first 'year end' and we've been whacked with a large tax bill. Ho hum.... I suppose we must have earnt it and spent it, but I'll be damned if I know where it is now (oh yes, I'm probably sitting on it, driving it, or about to move into it - or one of the kids are - or the dog's eaten it). But, on the plus side, this does mean that we are finally able to put in our application for permanent residency. This will be a huge relief (even more of a relief when we get it). We've worked our arses off to get to this stage and quite frankly, we deserve a little luck and good fortune to get this through quickly. Australia needs us! We raise it's IQ :o)

So what have we got planned for the holidays? The exciting task of packing boxes and cleaning up vomit at the moment! The weather's supposed to be nice for the weekend, so we would like to get out on the boat if the kids are up to it. Other than that..... not much pencilled in yet. It's Anzac day on the 25th, and I think we'd quite like to go into Perth for the parade again or maybe even get there for the dawn service. It's very moving. The school had their Anzac service today and all the children take in a flower to make a class wreath. Because Rockingham has a large naval base, there are usually a few uniformed sailors in attendance...... All the nice girls love a sailor..

Paul had a fantastic close encounter on the weekend.

He and our friend Paul went out for a 'male fishing extravaganza'. Paul took a pork pie and a couple of scotch eggs (in one of Adam's Thomas lunchbags, I hasten to add :o) and skipped off to play for the day. They dropped the boat (Paul's) in at Rockingham and whizzed off into the bay for a spot of fishing. Paul admitted that it was a little hairy on the way out; the waves were quite high and water was sloshing into the boat, but they went round the other side of the island where it is more sheltered and anchored up for a spot of fishing.

It wasn't long before they had a visitor!

A dolphin came up to the boat and started scavaging for food.

He came back to visit them several times throughout the day - swimming under the boat and just popping his head up above the water level. Paul said all of a sudden they would hear a loud splash and 'Nick' (as he's known locally by the cut in his fin) would be back for another play.

It was only when the 'Rockingham Dolphin' boat scooted past, full of tourists that had paid hundreds of dollars to have this sight before them that Paul realised how lucky and how magical the moment was.

Paul telling 'Nick' to go home and the bait had all gone.

WOW!

Me? Where was I? How kind of you to ask! I was at home with the three kids, cleaning the toilets. We did pop down to the beach in the afternoon, but had no where near the excitement that Paul did :o(

I think the smile says it all; what a fantastic day!

P.S. Our new business 'Dolphin on a stick' is in the latter stages of development and we will have an on-line shop launched soon. You can't even see the wires - isn't technology amazing these days?

SCARY!


We had a hairy Tuesday this week with the onset of a bush fire in the local nature reserve (which happens to be a two minute walk from our house!!).

The kids were off school yesterday and I was ironing when the sky went completely dark. 'It can't be the end of the world yet', I thought 'I haven't ironed the jeans!' The kids called me out into the garden and this was the sight that met me:





It was set off by arsonists (allegedly). Here's the online news article:


Tuesday March 25, 8:18 PM
Bushfire threatens homes south of Perth
A bushFire is threatening homes south of Perth.
The blaze broke out at the southern end of Scientific Park in Port Kennedy and is headed towards Secret Harbour Boulevard!!!!!
The Fire and Emergency Services Authority is encouraging residents to decide whether to stay and defend their homes or leave now.
Nearby residents are urged to close their windows and turn off evaporative air conditioners.
Port Kennedy Drive is closed west of Warnbro Sound Avenue.
More than 100 firefighters and 50 appliances are fighting the blaze.
Kevin Archer from the Fire and Emergency Services Authority says residents in Port Kennedy and Secret Harbour should wait for instructions from authorities before leaving their homes.
"We've had evacuate homes around Pulsano Mews," he said.
"The residents are assisting us there in protecting their own homes and have evacuated that immediate area."





We took the kids and watched the water bombing helicopters scooting around for hours; there were six in the air at one point along with countless numbers of FESA volunteers. They'd all come from miles around; some from suburbs miles to the north and east of Perth.






When darkness fell we could still see the flames over the top of next doors house (especially well when I bounced on the trampoline!). Paul took the kids out for a look-see in the car and the emergency services had set up camp in the carpark of a local store and they were co-ordinating the activities from there.





It was touch and go for a while as to whether we would be evacuated or not. We were lucky in that the wind was blowing out towards the sea. If it had changed, it would have made things very difficult. We backed up computer discs and made sure we knew where the passports were, but luckily we didn't need to pack up and ship out.





We got some fantastic photos of the operation though. They reloaded the helicopters from lakes throughout the estate. That was fun watching them do their stuff. I got completely drenched and had my hair blow dried to look like Marge Simpson.





The guys and gals at FESA do a remarkable job and worked all night to ensure that it was kept under control and we could all sleep safe.

It's Easter and keeping up with annual tradition, we nearly killed the dog (again!)

This week, we've had more drama of the dog-variety. The kids were out playing on Tuesday night and dinner was ready. Paul went out the front to call them in, when a mach-10 Pentley weaved between his legs like Beckham and shot out of the door like an exocet! No problem; normally we call him and after two minutes of bounding about like a squash ball on court, he realises what side his bread's buttered and comes bounding back indoors. NOT THIS TIME! He obvioulsy saw Sam on the other side of the road and set off to meet him...... straight into the path of an on-coming car!

In fairness to the driver, he stopped in time but still made contact with the furry fleabag. 'Luckily' for Pentley, he made contact with one of his less vital organs - his head! He lost a layer of skin and fur just above his eyebrow and also another bit on his leg. I think this was where he scrawped along the road rather than car damage. Pentley looks 'hard' though. Like one of the thugs you see on the TV that have shaved a line through their eyebrow. All we need now is a few piercings and to get him to practise his snarl and we'll send him out debt collecting.

Joking aside, he hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. Paul shouted out that the dog had been run over and I screached like a fishwife 'NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'. He got straight up again though, which was a relief. I simply can't afford vets bills at the moment; I'd have to call it quits and put him in the freezer, or BBQ him. It has had an effect on him though. He cowers everytime there's a car ad on the TV and you've never seen a big dog try to make himself look so small :o(

Can dogs read? If Pentley asks, don't tell him what castration means, for goodness sakes. I have written to the 'I'm a celebrity' crew to see if they want another vile thing for the trials this year - dog bollocks. Speaking of 'I'm a celebrity', we've just watched the last series on UKTV - the one with Biggins as Victor. After watching, Sam came out with the quote of the series - 'Is Christopher Biggins gay then?'

It's been a mad-busy week again. The tiler finished the house last week and it looks fantastic! We had the tiles sealed on Monday, the air conditioning finished on Tuesday, met the painter to finalise colours, the pool people have been and installed the pump and electrics for our Shrek-swamp and we finished the week with another god-awful row with the builder. Paul was only round the corner from their office and ended up seeing the Building Manager face to face. Good job I wasn't there; I would have turned into fishwife mode again (Paul's moaning that he's seeing a lot of that lately!)

We started the Easter weekend with some intensive housework. It's not 'extreme' like ironing off a cliff, but trying to get the floors washed without Pentley trying to mate with the mop is quite trying. Because we're so busy during the week with work and kids, the house goes to wrack and ruin. We have finally excavated it now though, so it should (hopefully) make it un-buried again until Tuesday. The kids have Friday, Monday and Tuesday off; they don't break up from school for their hols until 11th April. We got some hectic times before then however! The Secret Harbour School beach carnival takes place on 28th - so the whole school de-camps to the beach for a sports day. Sam also tried out for the school Swimming team last week. I really discouraged him as I didn't want him to be disappointed if he didn't make it and (to be honest) wasn't sure that his swimming was up to it! How wrong was I when he came home beaming that he'd made in team and has to compete in inter-school carnivals representing Secret Harbour. Never let it be said that I am an unsupportive Mother. OK, OK, say it - get it out of your system already! The school have arranged some training sessions to get them all ready for the carnival on Friday 11th April. They are all blooming before school though - 7.30am - 8.15am. Have they any idea what my mornings are like? There are five training sessions arranged and two of them already clash with an early morning dental check up for Darcie and a Teddy Bear's Breakfast for Mr Cheese. I think I need a PA. A PA, a lie down in a darkened room and a few valium. I'll ask Paul - I'm sure he's got some in his bedside table which also doubles up as an illegal drug den.

Speaking of Paul. He celebrated another birthday last Friday. He's such an old soul (I said OLD SOUL). See, his hearing's gone as well :o) Gail and Paul came over for a BBQ and both Gail and I got very, very drunk. We hid it very well from each other, but both confessed to praying to the porcelain when we spoke on the phone the following day. I haven't been that drunk for years! It must have been the last bottle of wine we had. The previous 5 were fine, so maybe the last one was corked or something? It's my only explanation! Paul and Gail bought Paul a lovely samorai sword in a frame for the new office. Paul did want to put a sign on it saying ' in case of emergency, break glass' or should that read - in case of divorce. It's lovely and will look very posh in the new house. We only got him two pairs of shorts and a polish for his tiles. Who says romance is dead?

In other news, the International Red Cross food parcel arrived from Nanny. Adam was thrilled to find a jar of marmite which you can buy here, should you feel the need to part with the best part of a tenner (which I never will!).

Thumbs up, here comes Marmite!

I'm glad (in some ways) that it's not this time last year as Paul had just had his nose chopped off (yes, probably to spite his face). Looking back, he was in a terrible state. He was comatose with a tampon slung under his nose, I had an incontinent dog to look after and the kids were bored and moany................ actually, maybe things aren't that much better, come to think of it. Twelve months later and we're still under an incredible amount of stress. Hopefully once the house is (EVENTUALLY) finished, the PR application is posted, the dog has increased his IQ and the kids have left home, things may be on the up. Don't hold your breath though, we are Delaneys! We seem to get rid of one thing off our plate and then help ourselves to something even more stodgy from the 'all you can eat, stress buffet'. What a great analogy.

The Easter Bunny's supposed to be coming to visit on Sunday, but I've heard that she's feeling a little run down of late. Hopefully she'll buck her ideas up, take an iron tablet and get on with things like the rest of us all have to. I would like to be back in Sherrards Wood doing the little Easter Bunny hunt. I used to enjoy that and wouldn't feel as ripped off as I did yesterday paying the equivalent of £3 for 6 hot cross buns. I shouldn't have done it.... I shouldn't have done it..... I've just been on the Ocado website. Sodding 99p in bloody Waitrose!!!! Ocado now price match with Tesco. {:o( Good grief I miss UK shops. The Easter Eggs are ridiculously priced here too; fiver for one measly egg - Mum said they're less than a quid with you.

I had a funny dream last night. I dreamt that we were moving back into our old house in Pentley Park. We had to beg and plead to get the kids back into Templewood. That was OK until I suddenly realised we'd be living next to that horrible man who was our next door neighbour. Then I was worried that I'd have problems with people that used to be my mates, being very vocal about all my failings as a friend in the playground every morning. I wonder what a dream ananlyst would make of that lot? Probably that I needed to take more water with it I should imagine.

Things I have learnt whilst living in Australia (a continuing saga):

1) weapons inventors have obviously obtained all their knowledge from flies who have the knack to fly straight up your left nostril / into your mouth when you laugh / into your ear from a standing start at a 50 metre distance. I never realised it was possible to hate flies as much as I do over here.

2) if it's your job to tidy the dog poo, leave it until the early evening. The poo will have a crispy, even casing, giving a satisfying 'crunch' when you place the plastic shovel underneath to scoop. Far less messy and the smell is encased. They say that Australia's like the UK was in the 70's and it's true! If you leave the dog poo alone it turns white like it used to in the 'olden days'.

3) The grass isn't greener. In fact it's dead for the majority of the year, which means it doesn't need mowing and sustains neglect; the same could be said for my bikini line ha ha ha.

4) we got the dumbest dog in the shop. How the breeder must have laughed when we said we'd have him.

Look small, cute and appealing..... they'll fall for it:

...and by the time they realise you're stupid and clumsy with an IQ of a root vegetable, it'll be too late. Who's laughing now?

5) it's Good Friday, but they're not even showing Ben Hurr, Sparticus or a James Bond film. Just not tennis, is it? Australia ia crap!

Happy Easter everyone. Have a lovely time relaxing with your family and eating choccy.

................and here is the news...................

How funny is this photo of Mr Cheese? He looks like a young Trevor McDougal (god, what's his name? I've been subjected to nasal, whiny newsreaders for too long; I can't even remember his name :o( Mind you .... the newsreaders are MUCH better looking over here :o) Every cloud has a silver lining and all.

Well we've had an eventful couple of weeks again. It feels like months ago that Margaret and Michael were here. Feels like they haven't been at all in some ways, which is sad; but then we did some wonderful things together whilst they were here and we've got some fantastic memories and photographs to show for it :o) And, NO, Mum...... not just yet ;-)

There was a kangaroo hopping round the estate last week! It had a crowd around it. Honestly, you'd think Aussies had never seen a blooming Roo! They think it had got lost off the golf course (probably trying to find it's ball after a particularly rubbish shot!) and got hit by a car. The Rangers were called and a Vet arrived on the scene. We don't know what the outcome was, but our kanga bangers on Tuesday were delicious!


Wayne Roo'ney' or George Roo'ney'?

Things are still going great guns with the house and I promise avid reader (*singular*), that I shall do a spangly, sparkly post all about the house..... just waiting for a few more things to be finished and I shall post all the gory details. The floors were screeded at the weekend for the tiling. Jason is coming back on Wednesday to lay them.... hope they look good! (trying desperately hard not to insert *p'nar* joke about being laid on the tiles....... moving on!).

The kids are going OK. Sam's signed up again for AFL this season and had his 'orientation' today to find out which group he's in etc. Training starts this Wednesday (WooHoo..... something else to forget!!!). I've been terrible lately! Forgot Sam's swimming kit the first day of school swimming. Forgot Adam started full days on the Monday, hence he had no lunch, so we had to run that down to him PDQ. And worst of all, I was late picking Adam up from school last week and he was sat on the 'lonely chair' in the office, waiting for someone to come and claim him!! How bad did I feel? The child in the class that's settled least well, and his Mum forgot to come and collect him :o( He made me promise the next time to be there on time. Darcie is enjoying school - and homework, although she drives me mad with it. She seems to leave her brain cells at school and then attempts to complete her homework whilst on tickover! Adam, although still a little clingy when we leave him, has definately taken to Kindy better than he ever took the ABC. One day, I'm sure he will just let me leave with a big smile, rather than having to be detached from my leg like a whelk!


We had a lovely time last weekend with our friends. We set up camp on the beach for the whole day and snorkelled, kayaked and buzzed about on their boat. Theirs in on a trailer, so they are more flexible with where they can dump it and we spent the day near Rockingham.




Darcie slaloms her way to shore.


They went round and round in circles for hours!

After an initial 'nervous period' that lasted for 4½ hours, Adam eventually let Darcie take him on the kayak. There was no looking back after that; it was like 'Driving Miss Daisy', 'Take me THERE, Darcie,' he demanded. 'NO - over there!!!' I would have bashed him on the hooter with the paddle if it were me, luckily, my daughter has more patience and simply took the moaning dwarf where he wanted to go!

The moaning dwarf. Laughing before he moans a little more.

We had the most lovely day. When we first arrived on the beach, the weather was pants; overcast and cloudy, but during the course of the day, the clouds burnt off and we splashed and laughed and had a blooming good time. Our mates even brought their kayak so the kids could play and wouldn't be too bored whilst we played! On Sam and Darcie's first go on the kayak, a dolphin came in really close to shore and they paddled after it. Blooming amazing, stuff like that. I know they're only fishy-things with good PR, but there's something magical about a dol-chin.

Darcie drives her in.

Paul and Sam went for a fish for an hour - Sam caught some, but they were too small to keep. He still had a good time hooking them though.

Their boat was loads of fun and Paul (our mate's name too - keeps things easier that way....if only she were another Julia!), let Sam and Darcie have a drive of their boat. It was an ACE day all round; can't wait for the next one.

This weekend was crab fest in Mandurah. It's supposed to celebrate the crabbing season with side shows, stalls and cookery demonstrations, but it's an excuse for side-show Bob to appear and fleece the parents of $25 with large toys and 'hook a crab' type games. We did a quick tour of the events and headed to the boat...... we were feeling brave, yer see. Fireworks were on the menu for 9pm. Ever since we've arrived here, it's been our dream to take the boat out, anchor and watch the fireworks from the boat. Unfortunately, there have always been a few flaws with or plan: namely (a) We've never anchored before. (b) It has to be dark for fireworks and we couldn't see to get home! (c) We're scaredy cats.

But this time; we went for it! We anchored about 6.45pm. I was a little disconcerted about the fact that we would swing round in a 180 degree radius depending on the current, but 'apparently' this was normal. So after 20 minutes of keeping the engine running to make sure we didn't drift into our neighbour, or drift backwards into the multi-million dollar Riviera moored behind us, we finally felt safe enough to switch the engine off and 'chill'. It got very busy once the light began to fade and there were boats moored all around us.

It got busier than this! There were boats everywhere!

Our boat with her top off!

Dad and Darcie pose on the deck.

Darcie and Mr Cheese wait for the entertainment.

We had a visit from the water police to ask us to turn off our red and green navigation lights (apparantly, we should only have had the white 'anchor' light on when we weren't actually moving, but, of course, we knew this (NOT!) as we have passed out skippers ticket *snort* ). It wasn't just us though, there were more of us in the 'wrong' than the 'right'. They were jolly nice though with their flashing blue lights. Adam thought they were the fireworks!

OOooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

We just had one of those 'YES!' moments. It was one of our major dreams to be able to do it and it was blooming fantastic! We had coffee, hot cross buns, beer, wine and chocolate and we could comfortably wee if the call of nature came upon us. The feeling was brilliant! (not about wanting the loo, obviously!). The fireworks were good, although they didn't seem to last that long - maybe it was because I was trying to photograph them, rather than watch them, but they were over in a flash. Or maybe it was because I had half my mind on the fact that we'd have to negotiate our way back to the pen in the dark once they were finished!! Even Adam enjoyed them, (normally he spends the entire display working out how to put his fingers in his ear whilst simultaneously sucking his thumb, but this time, even he said they were pretty! - major move forward!).

The good news is Paul did brilliantly navigating us back to the marina. He was confident, positive and not even drunk! It was such a good feeling! I phoned Mum from the boat and worried her all day..... 'did they make it back to the pen, or take a wrong turn and head for the ocean and Madagascar??'

I shall have to amend the list of '10 things to achieve in Oz' as we're doing a few of them now. Happy Days!

I'll also have to get my finger out with the Delaney Time Capsule that I wanted to bury in the garden before we move into the new house. We had some really good ideas of things to put in it last year..... I just need to find the time now to get everything put together and a box large enough to squeeze Sam in for 10 years - ha ha ha! If anyone has any ideas about what to put in the time capsule, let me know - all contributions greatfully received.