This week, we've had more drama of the dog-variety. The kids were out playing on Tuesday night and dinner was ready. Paul went out the front to call them in, when a mach-10 Pentley weaved between his legs like Beckham and shot out of the door like an exocet! No problem; normally we call him and after two minutes of bounding about like a squash ball on court, he realises what side his bread's buttered and comes bounding back indoors. NOT THIS TIME! He obvioulsy saw Sam on the other side of the road and set off to meet him...... straight into the path of an on-coming car!
In fairness to the driver, he stopped in time but still made contact with the furry fleabag. 'Luckily' for Pentley, he made contact with one of his less vital organs - his head! He lost a layer of skin and fur just above his eyebrow and also another bit on his leg. I think this was where he scrawped along the road rather than car damage. Pentley looks 'hard' though. Like one of the thugs you see on the TV that have shaved a line through their eyebrow. All we need now is a few piercings and to get him to practise his snarl and we'll send him out debt collecting.
Joking aside, he hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. Paul shouted out that the dog had been run over and I screached like a fishwife 'NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'. He got straight up again though, which was a relief. I simply can't afford vets bills at the moment; I'd have to call it quits and put him in the freezer, or BBQ him. It has had an effect on him though. He cowers everytime there's a car ad on the TV and you've never seen a big dog try to make himself look so small :o(
Can dogs read? If Pentley asks, don't tell him what castration means, for goodness sakes. I have written to the 'I'm a celebrity' crew to see if they want another vile thing for the trials this year - dog bollocks. Speaking of 'I'm a celebrity', we've just watched the last series on UKTV - the one with Biggins as Victor. After watching, Sam came out with the quote of the series - 'Is Christopher Biggins gay then?'
It's been a mad-busy week again. The tiler finished the house last week and it looks fantastic! We had the tiles sealed on Monday, the air conditioning finished on Tuesday, met the painter to finalise colours, the pool people have been and installed the pump and electrics for our Shrek-swamp and we finished the week with another god-awful row with the builder. Paul was only round the corner from their office and ended up seeing the Building Manager face to face. Good job I wasn't there; I would have turned into fishwife mode again (Paul's moaning that he's seeing a lot of that lately!)
We started the Easter weekend with some intensive housework. It's not 'extreme' like ironing off a cliff, but trying to get the floors washed without Pentley trying to mate with the mop is quite trying. Because we're so busy during the week with work and kids, the house goes to wrack and ruin. We have finally excavated it now though, so it should (hopefully) make it un-buried again until Tuesday. The kids have Friday, Monday and Tuesday off; they don't break up from school for their hols until 11th April. We got some hectic times before then however! The Secret Harbour School beach carnival takes place on 28th - so the whole school de-camps to the beach for a sports day. Sam also tried out for the school Swimming team last week. I really discouraged him as I didn't want him to be disappointed if he didn't make it and (to be honest) wasn't sure that his swimming was up to it! How wrong was I when he came home beaming that he'd made in team and has to compete in inter-school carnivals representing Secret Harbour. Never let it be said that I am an unsupportive Mother. OK, OK, say it - get it out of your system already! The school have arranged some training sessions to get them all ready for the carnival on Friday 11th April. They are all blooming before school though - 7.30am - 8.15am. Have they any idea what my mornings are like? There are five training sessions arranged and two of them already clash with an early morning dental check up for Darcie and a Teddy Bear's Breakfast for Mr Cheese. I think I need a PA. A PA, a lie down in a darkened room and a few valium. I'll ask Paul - I'm sure he's got some in his bedside table which also doubles up as an illegal drug den.
Speaking of Paul. He celebrated another birthday last Friday. He's such an old soul (I said OLD SOUL). See, his hearing's gone as well :o) Gail and Paul came over for a BBQ and both Gail and I got very, very drunk. We hid it very well from each other, but both confessed to praying to the porcelain when we spoke on the phone the following day. I haven't been that drunk for years! It must have been the last bottle of wine we had. The previous 5 were fine, so maybe the last one was corked or something? It's my only explanation! Paul and Gail bought Paul a lovely samorai sword in a frame for the new office. Paul did want to put a sign on it saying ' in case of emergency, break glass' or should that read - in case of divorce. It's lovely and will look very posh in the new house. We only got him two pairs of shorts and a polish for his tiles. Who says romance is dead?
In other news, the International Red Cross food parcel arrived from Nanny. Adam was thrilled to find a jar of marmite which you can buy here, should you feel the need to part with the best part of a tenner (which I never will!).
I'm glad (in some ways) that it's not this time last year as Paul had just had his nose chopped off (yes, probably to spite his face). Looking back, he was in a terrible state. He was comatose with a tampon slung under his nose, I had an incontinent dog to look after and the kids were bored and moany................ actually, maybe things aren't that much better, come to think of it. Twelve months later and we're still under an incredible amount of stress. Hopefully once the house is (EVENTUALLY) finished, the PR application is posted, the dog has increased his IQ and the kids have left home, things may be on the up. Don't hold your breath though, we are Delaneys! We seem to get rid of one thing off our plate and then help ourselves to something even more stodgy from the 'all you can eat, stress buffet'. What a great analogy.
The Easter Bunny's supposed to be coming to visit on Sunday, but I've heard that she's feeling a little run down of late. Hopefully she'll buck her ideas up, take an iron tablet and get on with things like the rest of us all have to. I would like to be back in Sherrards Wood doing the little Easter Bunny hunt. I used to enjoy that and wouldn't feel as ripped off as I did yesterday paying the equivalent of £3 for 6 hot cross buns. I shouldn't have done it.... I shouldn't have done it..... I've just been on the Ocado website. Sodding 99p in bloody Waitrose!!!! Ocado now price match with Tesco. {:o( Good grief I miss UK shops. The Easter Eggs are ridiculously priced here too; fiver for one measly egg - Mum said they're less than a quid with you.
I had a funny dream last night. I dreamt that we were moving back into our old house in Pentley Park. We had to beg and plead to get the kids back into Templewood. That was OK until I suddenly realised we'd be living next to that horrible man who was our next door neighbour. Then I was worried that I'd have problems with people that used to be my mates, being very vocal about all my failings as a friend in the playground every morning. I wonder what a dream ananlyst would make of that lot? Probably that I needed to take more water with it I should imagine.
Things I have learnt whilst living in Australia (a continuing saga):
1) weapons inventors have obviously obtained all their knowledge from flies who have the knack to fly straight up your left nostril / into your mouth when you laugh / into your ear from a standing start at a 50 metre distance. I never realised it was possible to hate flies as much as I do over here.
2) if it's your job to tidy the dog poo, leave it until the early evening. The poo will have a crispy, even casing, giving a satisfying 'crunch' when you place the plastic shovel underneath to scoop. Far less messy and the smell is encased. They say that Australia's like the UK was in the 70's and it's true! If you leave the dog poo alone it turns white like it used to in the 'olden days'.
3) The grass isn't greener. In fact it's dead for the majority of the year, which means it doesn't need mowing and sustains neglect; the same could be said for my bikini line ha ha ha.
4) we got the dumbest dog in the shop. How the breeder must have laughed when we said we'd have him.
...and by the time they realise you're stupid and clumsy with an IQ of a root vegetable, it'll be too late. Who's laughing now?
5) it's Good Friday, but they're not even showing Ben Hurr, Sparticus or a James Bond film. Just not tennis, is it? Australia ia crap!
Happy Easter everyone. Have a lovely time relaxing with your family and eating choccy.
