SCARY!


We had a hairy Tuesday this week with the onset of a bush fire in the local nature reserve (which happens to be a two minute walk from our house!!).

The kids were off school yesterday and I was ironing when the sky went completely dark. 'It can't be the end of the world yet', I thought 'I haven't ironed the jeans!' The kids called me out into the garden and this was the sight that met me:





It was set off by arsonists (allegedly). Here's the online news article:


Tuesday March 25, 8:18 PM
Bushfire threatens homes south of Perth
A bushFire is threatening homes south of Perth.
The blaze broke out at the southern end of Scientific Park in Port Kennedy and is headed towards Secret Harbour Boulevard!!!!!
The Fire and Emergency Services Authority is encouraging residents to decide whether to stay and defend their homes or leave now.
Nearby residents are urged to close their windows and turn off evaporative air conditioners.
Port Kennedy Drive is closed west of Warnbro Sound Avenue.
More than 100 firefighters and 50 appliances are fighting the blaze.
Kevin Archer from the Fire and Emergency Services Authority says residents in Port Kennedy and Secret Harbour should wait for instructions from authorities before leaving their homes.
"We've had evacuate homes around Pulsano Mews," he said.
"The residents are assisting us there in protecting their own homes and have evacuated that immediate area."





We took the kids and watched the water bombing helicopters scooting around for hours; there were six in the air at one point along with countless numbers of FESA volunteers. They'd all come from miles around; some from suburbs miles to the north and east of Perth.






When darkness fell we could still see the flames over the top of next doors house (especially well when I bounced on the trampoline!). Paul took the kids out for a look-see in the car and the emergency services had set up camp in the carpark of a local store and they were co-ordinating the activities from there.





It was touch and go for a while as to whether we would be evacuated or not. We were lucky in that the wind was blowing out towards the sea. If it had changed, it would have made things very difficult. We backed up computer discs and made sure we knew where the passports were, but luckily we didn't need to pack up and ship out.





We got some fantastic photos of the operation though. They reloaded the helicopters from lakes throughout the estate. That was fun watching them do their stuff. I got completely drenched and had my hair blow dried to look like Marge Simpson.





The guys and gals at FESA do a remarkable job and worked all night to ensure that it was kept under control and we could all sleep safe.

It's Easter and keeping up with annual tradition, we nearly killed the dog (again!)

This week, we've had more drama of the dog-variety. The kids were out playing on Tuesday night and dinner was ready. Paul went out the front to call them in, when a mach-10 Pentley weaved between his legs like Beckham and shot out of the door like an exocet! No problem; normally we call him and after two minutes of bounding about like a squash ball on court, he realises what side his bread's buttered and comes bounding back indoors. NOT THIS TIME! He obvioulsy saw Sam on the other side of the road and set off to meet him...... straight into the path of an on-coming car!

In fairness to the driver, he stopped in time but still made contact with the furry fleabag. 'Luckily' for Pentley, he made contact with one of his less vital organs - his head! He lost a layer of skin and fur just above his eyebrow and also another bit on his leg. I think this was where he scrawped along the road rather than car damage. Pentley looks 'hard' though. Like one of the thugs you see on the TV that have shaved a line through their eyebrow. All we need now is a few piercings and to get him to practise his snarl and we'll send him out debt collecting.

Joking aside, he hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. Paul shouted out that the dog had been run over and I screached like a fishwife 'NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'. He got straight up again though, which was a relief. I simply can't afford vets bills at the moment; I'd have to call it quits and put him in the freezer, or BBQ him. It has had an effect on him though. He cowers everytime there's a car ad on the TV and you've never seen a big dog try to make himself look so small :o(

Can dogs read? If Pentley asks, don't tell him what castration means, for goodness sakes. I have written to the 'I'm a celebrity' crew to see if they want another vile thing for the trials this year - dog bollocks. Speaking of 'I'm a celebrity', we've just watched the last series on UKTV - the one with Biggins as Victor. After watching, Sam came out with the quote of the series - 'Is Christopher Biggins gay then?'

It's been a mad-busy week again. The tiler finished the house last week and it looks fantastic! We had the tiles sealed on Monday, the air conditioning finished on Tuesday, met the painter to finalise colours, the pool people have been and installed the pump and electrics for our Shrek-swamp and we finished the week with another god-awful row with the builder. Paul was only round the corner from their office and ended up seeing the Building Manager face to face. Good job I wasn't there; I would have turned into fishwife mode again (Paul's moaning that he's seeing a lot of that lately!)

We started the Easter weekend with some intensive housework. It's not 'extreme' like ironing off a cliff, but trying to get the floors washed without Pentley trying to mate with the mop is quite trying. Because we're so busy during the week with work and kids, the house goes to wrack and ruin. We have finally excavated it now though, so it should (hopefully) make it un-buried again until Tuesday. The kids have Friday, Monday and Tuesday off; they don't break up from school for their hols until 11th April. We got some hectic times before then however! The Secret Harbour School beach carnival takes place on 28th - so the whole school de-camps to the beach for a sports day. Sam also tried out for the school Swimming team last week. I really discouraged him as I didn't want him to be disappointed if he didn't make it and (to be honest) wasn't sure that his swimming was up to it! How wrong was I when he came home beaming that he'd made in team and has to compete in inter-school carnivals representing Secret Harbour. Never let it be said that I am an unsupportive Mother. OK, OK, say it - get it out of your system already! The school have arranged some training sessions to get them all ready for the carnival on Friday 11th April. They are all blooming before school though - 7.30am - 8.15am. Have they any idea what my mornings are like? There are five training sessions arranged and two of them already clash with an early morning dental check up for Darcie and a Teddy Bear's Breakfast for Mr Cheese. I think I need a PA. A PA, a lie down in a darkened room and a few valium. I'll ask Paul - I'm sure he's got some in his bedside table which also doubles up as an illegal drug den.

Speaking of Paul. He celebrated another birthday last Friday. He's such an old soul (I said OLD SOUL). See, his hearing's gone as well :o) Gail and Paul came over for a BBQ and both Gail and I got very, very drunk. We hid it very well from each other, but both confessed to praying to the porcelain when we spoke on the phone the following day. I haven't been that drunk for years! It must have been the last bottle of wine we had. The previous 5 were fine, so maybe the last one was corked or something? It's my only explanation! Paul and Gail bought Paul a lovely samorai sword in a frame for the new office. Paul did want to put a sign on it saying ' in case of emergency, break glass' or should that read - in case of divorce. It's lovely and will look very posh in the new house. We only got him two pairs of shorts and a polish for his tiles. Who says romance is dead?

In other news, the International Red Cross food parcel arrived from Nanny. Adam was thrilled to find a jar of marmite which you can buy here, should you feel the need to part with the best part of a tenner (which I never will!).

Thumbs up, here comes Marmite!

I'm glad (in some ways) that it's not this time last year as Paul had just had his nose chopped off (yes, probably to spite his face). Looking back, he was in a terrible state. He was comatose with a tampon slung under his nose, I had an incontinent dog to look after and the kids were bored and moany................ actually, maybe things aren't that much better, come to think of it. Twelve months later and we're still under an incredible amount of stress. Hopefully once the house is (EVENTUALLY) finished, the PR application is posted, the dog has increased his IQ and the kids have left home, things may be on the up. Don't hold your breath though, we are Delaneys! We seem to get rid of one thing off our plate and then help ourselves to something even more stodgy from the 'all you can eat, stress buffet'. What a great analogy.

The Easter Bunny's supposed to be coming to visit on Sunday, but I've heard that she's feeling a little run down of late. Hopefully she'll buck her ideas up, take an iron tablet and get on with things like the rest of us all have to. I would like to be back in Sherrards Wood doing the little Easter Bunny hunt. I used to enjoy that and wouldn't feel as ripped off as I did yesterday paying the equivalent of £3 for 6 hot cross buns. I shouldn't have done it.... I shouldn't have done it..... I've just been on the Ocado website. Sodding 99p in bloody Waitrose!!!! Ocado now price match with Tesco. {:o( Good grief I miss UK shops. The Easter Eggs are ridiculously priced here too; fiver for one measly egg - Mum said they're less than a quid with you.

I had a funny dream last night. I dreamt that we were moving back into our old house in Pentley Park. We had to beg and plead to get the kids back into Templewood. That was OK until I suddenly realised we'd be living next to that horrible man who was our next door neighbour. Then I was worried that I'd have problems with people that used to be my mates, being very vocal about all my failings as a friend in the playground every morning. I wonder what a dream ananlyst would make of that lot? Probably that I needed to take more water with it I should imagine.

Things I have learnt whilst living in Australia (a continuing saga):

1) weapons inventors have obviously obtained all their knowledge from flies who have the knack to fly straight up your left nostril / into your mouth when you laugh / into your ear from a standing start at a 50 metre distance. I never realised it was possible to hate flies as much as I do over here.

2) if it's your job to tidy the dog poo, leave it until the early evening. The poo will have a crispy, even casing, giving a satisfying 'crunch' when you place the plastic shovel underneath to scoop. Far less messy and the smell is encased. They say that Australia's like the UK was in the 70's and it's true! If you leave the dog poo alone it turns white like it used to in the 'olden days'.

3) The grass isn't greener. In fact it's dead for the majority of the year, which means it doesn't need mowing and sustains neglect; the same could be said for my bikini line ha ha ha.

4) we got the dumbest dog in the shop. How the breeder must have laughed when we said we'd have him.

Look small, cute and appealing..... they'll fall for it:

...and by the time they realise you're stupid and clumsy with an IQ of a root vegetable, it'll be too late. Who's laughing now?

5) it's Good Friday, but they're not even showing Ben Hurr, Sparticus or a James Bond film. Just not tennis, is it? Australia ia crap!

Happy Easter everyone. Have a lovely time relaxing with your family and eating choccy.

................and here is the news...................

How funny is this photo of Mr Cheese? He looks like a young Trevor McDougal (god, what's his name? I've been subjected to nasal, whiny newsreaders for too long; I can't even remember his name :o( Mind you .... the newsreaders are MUCH better looking over here :o) Every cloud has a silver lining and all.

Well we've had an eventful couple of weeks again. It feels like months ago that Margaret and Michael were here. Feels like they haven't been at all in some ways, which is sad; but then we did some wonderful things together whilst they were here and we've got some fantastic memories and photographs to show for it :o) And, NO, Mum...... not just yet ;-)

There was a kangaroo hopping round the estate last week! It had a crowd around it. Honestly, you'd think Aussies had never seen a blooming Roo! They think it had got lost off the golf course (probably trying to find it's ball after a particularly rubbish shot!) and got hit by a car. The Rangers were called and a Vet arrived on the scene. We don't know what the outcome was, but our kanga bangers on Tuesday were delicious!


Wayne Roo'ney' or George Roo'ney'?

Things are still going great guns with the house and I promise avid reader (*singular*), that I shall do a spangly, sparkly post all about the house..... just waiting for a few more things to be finished and I shall post all the gory details. The floors were screeded at the weekend for the tiling. Jason is coming back on Wednesday to lay them.... hope they look good! (trying desperately hard not to insert *p'nar* joke about being laid on the tiles....... moving on!).

The kids are going OK. Sam's signed up again for AFL this season and had his 'orientation' today to find out which group he's in etc. Training starts this Wednesday (WooHoo..... something else to forget!!!). I've been terrible lately! Forgot Sam's swimming kit the first day of school swimming. Forgot Adam started full days on the Monday, hence he had no lunch, so we had to run that down to him PDQ. And worst of all, I was late picking Adam up from school last week and he was sat on the 'lonely chair' in the office, waiting for someone to come and claim him!! How bad did I feel? The child in the class that's settled least well, and his Mum forgot to come and collect him :o( He made me promise the next time to be there on time. Darcie is enjoying school - and homework, although she drives me mad with it. She seems to leave her brain cells at school and then attempts to complete her homework whilst on tickover! Adam, although still a little clingy when we leave him, has definately taken to Kindy better than he ever took the ABC. One day, I'm sure he will just let me leave with a big smile, rather than having to be detached from my leg like a whelk!


We had a lovely time last weekend with our friends. We set up camp on the beach for the whole day and snorkelled, kayaked and buzzed about on their boat. Theirs in on a trailer, so they are more flexible with where they can dump it and we spent the day near Rockingham.




Darcie slaloms her way to shore.


They went round and round in circles for hours!

After an initial 'nervous period' that lasted for 4½ hours, Adam eventually let Darcie take him on the kayak. There was no looking back after that; it was like 'Driving Miss Daisy', 'Take me THERE, Darcie,' he demanded. 'NO - over there!!!' I would have bashed him on the hooter with the paddle if it were me, luckily, my daughter has more patience and simply took the moaning dwarf where he wanted to go!

The moaning dwarf. Laughing before he moans a little more.

We had the most lovely day. When we first arrived on the beach, the weather was pants; overcast and cloudy, but during the course of the day, the clouds burnt off and we splashed and laughed and had a blooming good time. Our mates even brought their kayak so the kids could play and wouldn't be too bored whilst we played! On Sam and Darcie's first go on the kayak, a dolphin came in really close to shore and they paddled after it. Blooming amazing, stuff like that. I know they're only fishy-things with good PR, but there's something magical about a dol-chin.

Darcie drives her in.

Paul and Sam went for a fish for an hour - Sam caught some, but they were too small to keep. He still had a good time hooking them though.

Their boat was loads of fun and Paul (our mate's name too - keeps things easier that way....if only she were another Julia!), let Sam and Darcie have a drive of their boat. It was an ACE day all round; can't wait for the next one.

This weekend was crab fest in Mandurah. It's supposed to celebrate the crabbing season with side shows, stalls and cookery demonstrations, but it's an excuse for side-show Bob to appear and fleece the parents of $25 with large toys and 'hook a crab' type games. We did a quick tour of the events and headed to the boat...... we were feeling brave, yer see. Fireworks were on the menu for 9pm. Ever since we've arrived here, it's been our dream to take the boat out, anchor and watch the fireworks from the boat. Unfortunately, there have always been a few flaws with or plan: namely (a) We've never anchored before. (b) It has to be dark for fireworks and we couldn't see to get home! (c) We're scaredy cats.

But this time; we went for it! We anchored about 6.45pm. I was a little disconcerted about the fact that we would swing round in a 180 degree radius depending on the current, but 'apparently' this was normal. So after 20 minutes of keeping the engine running to make sure we didn't drift into our neighbour, or drift backwards into the multi-million dollar Riviera moored behind us, we finally felt safe enough to switch the engine off and 'chill'. It got very busy once the light began to fade and there were boats moored all around us.

It got busier than this! There were boats everywhere!

Our boat with her top off!

Dad and Darcie pose on the deck.

Darcie and Mr Cheese wait for the entertainment.

We had a visit from the water police to ask us to turn off our red and green navigation lights (apparantly, we should only have had the white 'anchor' light on when we weren't actually moving, but, of course, we knew this (NOT!) as we have passed out skippers ticket *snort* ). It wasn't just us though, there were more of us in the 'wrong' than the 'right'. They were jolly nice though with their flashing blue lights. Adam thought they were the fireworks!

OOooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

We just had one of those 'YES!' moments. It was one of our major dreams to be able to do it and it was blooming fantastic! We had coffee, hot cross buns, beer, wine and chocolate and we could comfortably wee if the call of nature came upon us. The feeling was brilliant! (not about wanting the loo, obviously!). The fireworks were good, although they didn't seem to last that long - maybe it was because I was trying to photograph them, rather than watch them, but they were over in a flash. Or maybe it was because I had half my mind on the fact that we'd have to negotiate our way back to the pen in the dark once they were finished!! Even Adam enjoyed them, (normally he spends the entire display working out how to put his fingers in his ear whilst simultaneously sucking his thumb, but this time, even he said they were pretty! - major move forward!).

The good news is Paul did brilliantly navigating us back to the marina. He was confident, positive and not even drunk! It was such a good feeling! I phoned Mum from the boat and worried her all day..... 'did they make it back to the pen, or take a wrong turn and head for the ocean and Madagascar??'

I shall have to amend the list of '10 things to achieve in Oz' as we're doing a few of them now. Happy Days!

I'll also have to get my finger out with the Delaney Time Capsule that I wanted to bury in the garden before we move into the new house. We had some really good ideas of things to put in it last year..... I just need to find the time now to get everything put together and a box large enough to squeeze Sam in for 10 years - ha ha ha! If anyone has any ideas about what to put in the time capsule, let me know - all contributions greatfully received.