Bugger!

Hi Guys. Well what a strange week this week has been. The kids have been on school holiday, but were feeling a bit pants at the start of the week, so they’ve taken things easy. On Monday, Paul and Sam were going to have a ‘boy’s day out’ at the Perth Motor Show. They headed off, happy as can be, only for Paul to phone me at 12 midday to say they were on their way home! They had got all the way there, Paul had paid $12 to park, then Sam said he didn’t feel well and could they go home? I think it was because I made him take his wallet and told him to treat Dad to lunch – such violent spending of his own money has never agreed with Sam! He did look rough though and spent the rest of the day moaning – sorry, recuperating on the sofa.

On Tuesday, they were feeling a bit brighter, so Paul took them to see Disney’s Shaggy Dog. It’s got Tim Allen in and is very funny – the kids loved it. Tuesday was Anzac Day (where everyone honours the fallen soldiers), and a public holiday. They are very strict over here and all the shops were closed, which actually makes a nice change…… until that is, it reached 5.30pm and you realise you’ve run out of tonic for your G&T! Purely medicinal, you understand. If I didn’t have alcohol as the sun sets, I’d turn into a child-batterer of the worst proportions!

On Wednesday Sam spent $73 dollars on stationery to take to school!! Unless you’re Paul reading this – in which case, it was $7.30! He was going halves with Darcie, until she went to pay at the cash desk and only a moth flew out of her pink Gucci-like purse. Sam was gutted, but demanded reimbursement as soon as they got home. Then he continued to berate the young guy behind the counter for the cost of his stationery! ‘It can’t possibly have added up to THAT much – have you added things twice?’ I felt really sorry for the guy! He thought it was highly funny though as he assured Sam that was the correct price for 25 packs of felt tips and what did he expect if he couldn’t control himself in the fibre-tip aisle. I can relate to Sam on this one. I loved spending all my pocket money in WH Smiths and even now, I can spend hours with a stationery catalogue – that’s stationery – not one that’s not moving…… keep up, you lot! All that and he’s complaining now that he can’t find his pencil case and can we go back on Monday to buy a new one? Err – NO!

Thursday went in a blur, but we did go to see some swimming pool places just to get an idea on costings for the future. We should be able to get a BEAUT pool, fully fenced and paved (the surround – obviously! If the pool was paved, you wouldn’t get very wet now, would you?) for less than £15,000. I shall start saving immediately! Wonder if you can get one with Fly buys (the Oz equivalent of Clubcard points? For the amount we spend in the supermarkets, we should be half way there already!). We met with the builder on Wednesday night and we are almost ready for pre-start where you have to pick EVERYTHING prior to build – from colours of render, to type of handles on your lav!! This process can take up to six hours for the ditherers amongst us! I’m just going to let Paul choose everything – and then if it looks crap, it’s ALL his fault. What do you reckon? If I choose, I’m bound to have a recessive gene from my Dad that will surface when I’m picking paint colours and we’ll have the only tangerine coloured house in Western Australia! At least you’d find you way home after a few beers! Mum’s promised to post over Dad’s collection of brass plates for the interior, with his matching tables. They are currently in temperature controlled / disaster proof storage – that is what you call the loft, isn’t it Mum?

On Friday, Paul took the kids to 6PR Southern Cross Radio. www.6pr.com.au Follow the link to listen live – you might just catch our ad! They are running an ad campaign for us starting in a few weeks, so Paul coerced the sales guy into giving the kids a tour! They enjoyed themselves and the guy took them to see all the studios where the shows were being broadcast live from (had a bad vision in my head of Sam banging on the glass and moonie-ing the presenter to put him off – but Paul said he was very well behaved! He must have been as they were treated to Hungry Jack’s (Burger King) on the way home! The only slight disappointment was Sam thought he was going to have his own show and had already picked out a record play list for the ‘Sam Delaney Drive Time Hour’ Ooohh, an hour of Busted, Las Ketchup and the Cheeky girls – what more could the Australian public ask for??

Friday night we went for drinks with some lovely people we’ve met. We had a fab time – arrived at 5pm for drinks and nibbles – fell home at 11.30pm! Ooppss! Marc mixes a fab G&T – that’s all I can say in my defense.

One thing I must tell you about that cropped up whilst we were having drinks with our friends last night was the subject of rude words. Sam explained that Dad had taught him loads of rude words and that he could spell them too! ‘No you cannot!’ I challenged! ‘Can too’, he answered ‘FU*K – see, I can spell it!’ Great, I said, you can spell one of the most offensive words in the English language, but you can’t spell apple! ‘Yes I can,’ answered Sam, ‘A-P-P-E-L’. What have we done – we’ve created a monster. In the words of Homer Simpson ‘D’OH’

Today (Saturday) was spent once again checking out the local A&E healthcare facilities for my darling husband! He’s got an irregular heartbeat now (to add to his collection of ailments – mind you that must mean we’ve made it to ‘I’ in the medical dictionary (I’m hoping!) 9 down – 17 letters to go J ) The Doctor there hooked him up to an ECG machine and he spent the day being examined and watched before they released him with a prescription and a referral letter for his GP. The Doctor was dead dishy! I put lippy on and everything to go and pick Paul up at 5pm and almost shouted at him when I realised he was waiting for me outside A&E! Waste of a juicy tube, that was! Our lives are anything other than boring, aren’t they!

Next week should be interesting as we’ve booked Adam into daycare for two mornings a week. It’s called ‘Boomerang childcare – you’ll be back!’ and the staff seem very nice. It’s compulsory for all staff to have a moustache, but the ladies wear it well! We needed to do something as Adam has been getting more and more clingy ever since we moved – to the point where Paul is now convinced that if it was at all possible for Adam to crawl back inside the womb, he’d be in like a flash! I can’t even have a wee without him trawling the house for me shouting ‘Mummy’ at the top of his bony lungs and carrying a lantern that swings as he walks. It is beyond a joke now. When he was feeling poorly last week, the others weren’t even allowed to talk to him. If they tried to cheer him up, or offer him a drink, he just screamed like an old lady being molested at the bingo! I shall, no doubt, cry like a baby after I’ve dropped him off on Tuesday, but if his experience at the daycare centre in Perth is anything to go by; he will give an Oscar winning performance – heart breaking sobs one minute, then happy as Larry, ram-raiding in the Little Tykes bubble car and picking up girls flashing their knickers on the corner of the sand pit within the time it takes for me to get home. I shall plant a CCTV camera in his lunch box and watch the evidence back. At least if it doesn’t tell me when he stopped crying, I’ll be able to send the footage to Crimewatch OZ to help them catch the ram-raiders!!

I’ve got to go now. For some strange reason the space bar on my keyboard has started squeaking like I’m squashing a small mouse every time I hit it. It’s very un-nerving and it’s interfering with my comic timing!

Good night everyone – see you in the morning!