Well, this will be the last blog update before Singapore.

Sorry that I haven't posted a great deal lately, but to be honest - not a lot has been happening. The weather is slowly improving and we've had a few days out on the boat, but it's still pretty changable. I looked on the monthly forecast on the weather channel and was disappointed to see quite a few rain clouds in the month for Mum's visit. Never mind - when you're feeding your face in a restaurant, it doesn't matter what the weather's like outside :o) The sun always shine in McDonalds.

Last weekend was Father's Day on Sunday.

This was Adam's card for Daddy:

And it opens up to reveal..... Mr Cheese!

We did manage a few hours on the boat on Saturday, then on Sunday, Paul was treated to breakfast in bed, a few pressies and we whisked him off to Kings Park for a picnic. Kings Park had a Fathers Day celebration as part of their Spring festival. There was loads of free entertainment and music and the weather held, so it was lovely just to sit a chill for a few hours in the sunshine.

We even bumped in to the Perth celebrity that is 'Fat Cat'. The WA version of Pudsey Bear as he's the Telethon mascot - the scariest looking cuddly character I've ever seen!! Why on earth would you want to buy one!?!

Paul had a kick about with the kids for a while after and the park was heaving with people. Was a lovely day though. Kings Park always reminds us how lucky we are to live in Perth. It truly is a beautiful place to spend a few hours.

After the picnic we drove round the park to see the Boab tree. Now this tree has an amazing story and whilst it's not particularly impressive to look at; the story behind it being in Kings Park is pretty cool. You can read about it here: [URL]http://www.bgpa.wa.gov.au/o/content/view/458/42/[/URL] but basically, the tree was in the path of a road, so it was dug up and the 750 year old tree was transported thousands of kilometres to its new home. I remember the story on the nightly news where this massive tree was squeezed through the streets of Subiaco on the way to its new home. I think the idea is to cultivate loads more boabs from this tree and give them back to the area where this one came from. Pretty amazing story really. Most people would have just bulldozed it down and built the road. I just hope it can survive in Perth's conditions. I should imagine its quite a bit cooler than where the trees come from. Wouldn't look good to bring it all this way at vast expense and then it dies, would it? Never mind - think of the coasters you could produce.

Last week Darcie had her school excursion to Scitech which she enjoyed and Adam went to one of his school mates farm where they grow cucumbers. Well, Adam may not have been thrilled, but I thought it was fantastic! Seeing all the effort thats put into growing these plants was fantastic. They are so fragile; the slightest change in conditions can ruin the whole crop. In the peak of summer, the plants can grow about 6 inches per day. We got a few mis-shapes to bring home and they were lovely; really sweet, and I'm glad I went - I learnt a lot :o)

Today was the Sports Carnival (sports day). The weather rained on and off all day, which is a shame as the other years, they have been lucky. Darcie and Sam both did really well in their races with Sam finishing first in a couple. Their Faction 'Ocean' won overall and they were thrilled as I think last year, they lost by only a couple of points.

So this week Darcie starts swimming with the school - every day for two weeks. Hopefully Mum will be able to come and watch her for the last couple of days. Adam also had his first swimming lesson on Friday - although technically it was a 'stand in the water and look sorry for yourself' lesson. He wouldn't even get into the pool until he was prized off me and I was escorted to the coffee machine. He's still a little cling-on when it comes to new situations. He's still my baby really.

Darcie had a party at the weekend at the Fun Factr'y. The other two kids wanted to go, so Paul got the absolute pleasure of sitting in a building with all the acoustics of a aircraft hanger whilst several hundred kids scream at the top of their voices and a couple shit themselves for general 'ambience' and are left to sit in it for an hour whilst their Mums have a latte and deny all sense of smell. It's pay back for all the years that I've done it - ha ha. We went to Gail's for dinner afterwards; stew and dumplings (Gail's got lovely dumplings!) and Paul fell asleep. Must have been the excitement!

So with five sleeps to go, I'm starting to get nervous. Looking forward to seeing Mum and having a few days of R&R, but nervous about flying alone and finding her at the airport. I'm sure it'll be fine and we'll have a whale of a time - I look forward to reporting in at a later date. Can't imagine what I'm going to do on a flight alone for 5 hours!! I'm so used to waking Paul up when he snores too loudly, or cleaning Adam up when he drops his drink in his lap, or holding Darcie's pens until she asks for the colours, or adjudicating Sam's scores on who's the 'hottest' cabin attendent! The thought of just being able to listen to MY ipod, or read a book without a 'MUM???' or a 'JU?' in five hours? Heaven!!

See you on the other side.

A month today and Mum will be boarding the flight to Singapore.

To say I can’t wait is a slight understatement :o) I cleared out the wardrobe for her last weekend, so she will have somewhere to hang her (enormous) knickers. I think I’m going to put Mum in Darcie’s room and let Miss P sleep on the sofa bed in the activity room. It will give Mum a bit more room that way (for her knickers). I don’t think I told you (avid reader) that the other weekend, we could see kangaroos from our bedroom window. They were boinging across the golf course. Darcie saw one this afternoon whilst we were on the way to the shops – squashed by the side of the road. She asked if it was sleeping? Yes, darling….. it was bouncing its way home like tigger and all of a sudden came over very sleepy and stopped for a snooze at the side of the road. IT'S DEAD!!!!) I

We also cleared out the garage and (shock, horror, feint!) we actually have two cars parked in it! Anyone who knows us will realize that this is a complete fluke. We have NEVER lasted more than two weeks putting a car away in the garage at night. Mind you….. it’s a real squeeze getting the two in there. Wouldn’t want any bigger cars, that’s for sure! So sorry, Paul, the Hummer will have to wait. We had to move the cars inside as we live near a high school and the little sh*t bags were scraping them everyday on their way to and from school. We went to see the Deputy Principal last week as the little gits saw it hilarious to play ‘knock down ginger’ on our front door every morning at 8.30 and afternoon at 3.00pm! A verbal confrontation with one group and Sam on dawn patrol with the camera and hopefully, we can put this little episode behind us!

Ooohhhh – I am famous this week! You know how I drivel on here about listening to LBC and the podcasts? Well the other week, I emailed Simon Calder, the travel writer with a question about Singapore. Well, he read out my question! I asked about ‘must do’s’ and told him I was meeting Mum there for a few days before traveling on ‘home’ He was chuffed to think he had a listener in Australia and got quite excited reading out my question. Unfortunately, he didn’t really answer me at all! Got nothing specific for an answer other than you ‘must see the museum at Raffles’. Well we’ll be in there for an afternoon’s tiffin and then an early evening of getting plastered on Singapore Slings, with a little browsing round the V expensive designer shops in the Raffles complex. Don’t know if I’ll have time to fit in any historical artifacts (other than Mum, of course!) ha ha.

We have bought another boat. I know, I know. It’s extravagant. It’s a waste. We already have one. But the children SO wanted one of their own…….


Well – what did you expect? Do you know how much the insurance is on one of these babies?

We had a lovely day out on the boat on Sunday. The weather was a little ‘lumpy’ but we headed out for the open ocean and did some fishing. Darcie and I won – the girls catching 3 fish, the boys only managing 1. They were tiny though and wouldn’t have fitted in an individual tin of tuna! It was funny though as the pelicans came circling like the grim reaper as soon as they realized we had something wiggling on the end of our lines. You can see here how close they came in to the boat.

Well, the first fish we caught was small and it had taken the hook down a long way. Paul tried and tried to remove it as best he could and in the end, managed to get the hook out of the fish’s mouth. He threw the fish over the side, but mis-judged the distance, causing the fish to bash into the transom on the back of the boat. It did flip off (with minor brain damage) and slip back into the water. Hoorah, we thought. Only the have Paul say very sternly a few moments later ‘err……. Kids? I think you should just all pop downstairs for a moment’. ‘Why, Dad?’ was the universal cry, before Sam realized that our fishy friend had gone belly up and Mr Pel-i-CAN was moving in for an instant meal for one. One snap of his beak and nemo was gone :o(

Oh well….. circle of life and all that.

We had two pelicans after that and half a dozen sea gulls as our audience. It felt like they were watching and criticizing our every move. How the Olympians cope performing under such scrutiny and pressure, I’ll never know! We did manage to keep the rest of the days catch away from the pelican’s jaws. I don’t know what fish they were that we caught, but they were very pretty.

Darcie was thrilled at catching her first fish. Sam was a consummate bad loser. He whined, he whinged, he complained and then…….he sulked. L-to the-O- to the S-E-R = LOSER!

The kids have got a busy few weeks coming up at school again now. They all have excursions to look forward to. Sam is going to the Zoo (we think), Darcie’s going to the SciTech exhibition in Perth and Adam (wait for it!) is going on a visit to a cucumber farm! Hope they have electric fences to keep all the wayward vegetables under control – I mean the cucumbers – not the grandparents that might be taking them!!! Adam has school photos on Thursday. This will be a huge test for him. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve completed the envelope with my money in, only to have the teacher return it at the end of the day because Adam refused point blank to have his picture taken. Sam was exactly the same in pre-nursery. Cried and cried. His photo looks like that famous painting of the boy with the tears rolling down his cheeks.

Actually, this has been a little bone of contention all week - the similarity between Sam and Adam. Darcie was doing a project for school and was looking for a photo of her as a baby and going through all the albums. Well, Adam was having a good look too and became increasingly annoyed that all the boys in the photos were Sam. The trouble is, if I didn’t know any better, I’d get the two of them confused. They look identical at the same age – both were blonde with big blue eyes.

Sam or Adam?

Adam or Sam?

Unfortunately, the attitude develops soon after!

Work is going well and we’ve now welcomed a new member into the fold! Sue started with us last week and is settling in well (apart from blooming IT gremlins that are making life twice as hard – NEVER, ever move your computer. They don’t like it and show off!). We’ve got lots going on and it’s an exciting (if not busy!) time. Hopefully, we’ll be able to share it all with you in future months :o)

On that note, I shall tootle off to bed and have sweet dreams about Singapore Slings and Mum’s big knickers!

Una Paloma Blanca……

Yes, it may be holiday time for you, but it’s still Winter here for us. Never mind. Less than a month to go now and we’ll be into Spring (and you’ll be headed for Autumn – ha ha, so make the most of your sunny days now!).

Our garden is finished!!! We have a beautiful garden – honestly, it looks like Chelsea! We are SO proud of it; the landscapers have worked really hard. We gave them a drink each at the end of the job and they were really thrilled , (seeing as they usually work for builders and councils, they get nothing), but we were so pleased with it, we got the two young lads a case of beer and the boss a nice bottle of red. See for yourself; what do you think?

The grass arrives at 7.00am!

View from the pool to the 'grown ups' area

This will be the kid's area of the garden.

Last minute.com water feature!

The grown ups area.

The front garden.

We have since got some 12v outdoor lighting to illuminate our (last minute) water feature. The pool is STILL full of sand, but hopefully, this will now be the last time that we have this problem with it. A few days hard work getting rid of the sand and we should be all set for the coming summer months (fingers crossed!).

From the front..........

From the side...........

The view of the garden from our bedroom.

and finally......... at night :o)

We had a BBQ tonight – it’s still very cold, but we had the music on outside (Paul was in charge of Sonos, so we had TV theme tunes playing in a ‘Name that Tune’ quiz show stylee), a bottle (or two) of cheap sparkling white and all felt good. Sometimes it feels like we are in a dream here (other times; it’s a nightmare!) Tonight felt like the good version!

Last weekend we managed two days out! Unheard of lately as the weather’s been so crap. On Saturday, we went up to the Dam to see how high the water levels were and to have a BBQ. We took Pentley for a ride and in time honoured fashion (as per the fated Pinnacles trip) as soon as we pulled up at the picnic area we were met with ‘Dogs Prohibited’ signs everywhere! We stuck on the headscarf again though and went through the ‘my Grandmamma, what a big nose you have!’ routine and managed to get away with it (if you know of any Grandma that drinks out of a stainless steel water bowl!)’. As we arrived, a couple warned us of the Kookaburras. The like to swoop down on the children apparently – especially when you have food. Well. We did OK until right at the end of our picnic and Adam took his burger with him to play football. One eyed him up and took the last bite of burger right out of his hand (along with a slice of thumb for good measure!). Adam wasn’t too chuffed, let me tell you. I don’t know what upset him more; the loss of the burger or the injury to his thumb.

Mr Kook-a-burra

They are quite scary looking birds. Especially when they laugh at you – all the boys check their fly and the girls look to make sure they haven’t tucked their skirt in their knickers! Remind me of being in the Brownies, when we had to sing the ‘Kookaburra’ song. Never imagined I’d be able to see them in close proximity and we’d be fighting them off our youngest like an Alfred Hitchcock movie. Strange how life pans out, isn’t it??

Then last Sunday we managed to get out on the boat. The weather was nice, but the swell on the ocean was still quite big, so we kept to the estuary. Sam Skippered us all the way from our pen, to the petrol pump, to the fish and chip restaurant (where we moored for a scoff) and then took us all the way to the estuary.

He then supervised Darcie and Adam having a drive before he took us back to the marina and EVEN PARKED THE BOAT IN THE PEN! All on his own! GO SAM!!! I’m sure he could pass his skippers ticket now. He’s very sensible and controls the boat better than I can. Shame he has to wait until he’s 14 until he can even take it. Heaven help us then though; he’ll want his own boat (and you KNOW he won’t want a small little tinnie; he aims high – like his Father).

The weather this weekend’s been quite nice too, but we’ve been on ‘home duties’. You know our lovely clothes line that we were so proud of? Well it fell off the wall and snapped, so we had to take that back for a refund. They said in the shop that they’d never had one returned in 10 years (well, they’d never had one installed the way we’d installed it in 10 years!!). We’ll see if we can do a little better with number 2 :o( The new tumble dryer’s working very well though. With that and the new iron, I might take in laundry for the neighbours – it’s not as it I’ve got much on my plate now!

We’ve been scooping all the sand up that’s been left in the garden by the wind and scattered it all over the lawn for ‘top dressing’. Hopefully, one last clean and the pool should be sand free and we should be able to use it in the not too distant future. Can’t imagine the kids hopping in and out of it and really enjoying it; it’s been sat there like a big white elephant for so long, just gathering sand, creepy crawlies and muck! The dog’s got the most use out of It so far, by accidentally plopping in it from time to time.

We took the dog for a walk on the beach today. We tried a new dog beach in Port Kennedy (next to the nudist beach – YES MUM, I said nudist beach – I promise I’ll take you there for a sausage sizzle if the weather’s warm enough whilst you’re here! :o) It’s a lovely sheltered bay in PK – much different to the surf waves on Secret Harbour beach. I don’t suppose the nudists like it rough; perhaps you get too much sand in your nether regions!

This is for Mum’s benefit also: thought you’d like to see a comparison in the sizes of the knickers that you sent over for Darcie. I wet myself laughing when I unpacked the ‘larger size’ initially. How much DO you think she’s grown since you saw her last? As you say; plenty of room for growth :o)

Small ones are more juicy!

And......... Mr Cheese's snazzy Thomas Jamas:

I've noticed recently that the kids are really getting Aussie accents! If Darcie's voice goes any higher at the end of a sentence, only Pentley will be able to hear her - and Sam's not a lot better! It's becoming really noticable! Paul does little 'Australianisms' too - like not being able to say 'Route' as we would normally pronouce it. 'Root' here means to 'shag' so we can't have a root round the shops! We have to 'row-te'. It's 'dar-ta' as well, rather than 'day-ta'. Lots of little things that you lot would take the piss out of!

Also, in community news:

Congratulations to Siobhan, Alex, Freyja and Anya on the arrival of a long awaited baby boy! Little Harry Alexander entered the world last weekend and I just want to wish them all very many congratulations and lots of love :o)

6 weeks to Sing-a-pore. Can’t blooming wait!!!! I have fallen in love with a Prada handbag, so I shall be combing the stalls for a good knock-off version :o) Wonder how much wages I can earn between now and then? Perhaps if I offer the boss sexual favours? Well it worked for me at Grattes! (Please God, that was a joke!). Start taking your multi-vitamins Mum (and bulk buying Nurofen for the stress headaches that the kids will give you – ha ha ). I’m really looking forward to showing you how far we’ve come since you were last here (about half a kilometer as the crow flies – lol :o) I'm thinking of having our 'house warming; whilst Mum if here. The weather will be warmer and she can get pissed and throw up on a Yukka (or something), in keeping with 'tradition'. I shall think about it further and let you all know - you are all invited, by the way...... start packing!

On a scale of 1 – 10, how sick are you of the Olympics already? Darcie is bereft as they have cancelled ‘Home and Away’ for two weeks; her absolute, all time favourite (by the way, we can be ‘bribed’ for insider tips and future story lines, should you feel the need!). I like the more obscure items like the dressage and the diving. If Sam was to find something he was good at, he could be in London for 2012 if the British diver is anything to go by. Unfortunately, Sam has no co-ordination and is crap at sport, so unless they make ‘moaning and groaning’ an Olympic sport, I guess we’re stuck in Oz! On that note; I shall leave you to the sport and bid you a fond farewell.

Take care you ‘orrible lot!

Happy New Year!

Our Christmas in July was a lot of fun.

The kids even received a pressie each from Gail’s brother and Gail bought everyone a scratch card, we had crackers and party poppers and everyone had a laugh.

The watermelon had the last laugh I think…. or could that have been Gail’s punch…… or the liqueur coffee?

It ‘should’ have been Christmas day last Friday (as it was the 25th). Aussie TV even showed ‘Love Actually’ to get into the spirit – although I LOVE that film and could watch it anytime of the year. I was quite upset when I realized it was on and I’d missed half of it….. even though I have it on DVD (what a muppet, eh?). I can’t help it. It makes me very emotional, that film. It reminds me of being pregnant with Adam and in the last stages of pregnancy I used to listen to the soundtrack CD constantly in preparation for the exertion!

It was funny though as everyone left; I thanked them for coming and stated that I wasn’t ‘doing’ New Year. Just like being back in WGC when we all used to fight to NOT do New Year’s Eve. It was like a Poker game; the one with the less nerve folded first and agreed to have it at their house :o)

Yes, I’ve seen the news about the Qantas aircraft that virtually had its wing ripped off. Yes, it IS because I have booked my ticket and am flying alone. At least I’m not going Qantas – they might be (according to Rain Man) the only airline that's never had a crash, but they are also hugely EXPENSIVE and whilst I have expensive tastes, I am actually very cheap! I shall therefore be hauling my fake designer luggage (and fat arse) onto a Singapore Airlines flight and hoping for the best. It could be worse…… I hear if you fly Garuda, you actually have to flap your arms (unless you’re in first class!), the toilets are on the end of the wing and the pilots use SatNav! Or Brunei Airlines….. they don’t serve alcohol!!! Good grief – have they not seen the Cinzano ads? Flying + alcohol = glamour. I’m going to order one and hope that I’ll disembark the aircraft looking like Joan Collins (and if ONE of you mentions that I’m more like Leonard Rossiter, I’m going to ask the pilot to detour, so I can come and lump you one!). Although I would like that to be Joan Collins circa 1986 (knowing my luck, I’ll look like her now in her 70’s).

I am seriously looking forward to Singapore. I keep ‘Googling’ to find other things to do and have to keep resisting the urge to book us in for more things; Mum will kill me! We’re only there for four days and have at least a fortnight’s worth of shopping to fit in, let alone anything else! 9 weeks today and we’ll be there – woo hoo.

And…..speaking of flights, Margaret has booked hers for next January! That’s fabby news and means we’re going to have an action packed 6 months – great! I love having things to look forward to.

The landscapers did turn up this week, bless them. The weather’s not been brilliant and they’ve worked hard all week laying the reticulation pipes for the automatic watering system. They have dug trench after trench, buried the pipes and have absolutely nothing to show for it (I don’t think they’re going to be very happy tomorrow when they realize that our neighbour had his skip removed and they have driven all over their pipes! Hopefully, they haven’t done any damage.) We’re going to have over 70 individual pop up sprinklers for the garden in six different sections! We’ll see how they get on this week as the weather’s not supposed to very good again. As soon as I have anything ‘exciting’ to show you (like the green carpeted stuff) I shall post you a picture on here with pride! I am SO sick of sweeping up sand :o(

I did some Christmas shopping this week. Target’s annual Toy Sale started on Thursday. I went in with the kids on Monday and they were stocking the store with toys. Literally, there were toys everywhere – floor to ceiling TJ Bearytales – and when I walked through the doors at lunchtime on Thursday, it looked like the store had been ransacked! All the bears had gone, but I was lucky and managed to get a lot of stuff I wanted, so I left there to pick Adam up from school feeling very smug!

Finally, after 3 years, we got a frame this week for the photos of the kids that we had taken in the UK before we left for Oz. Seeing as they are different orientations, we had to order a special frame for them, but I think it looks great! Wish I’d done it earlier now!

Adam was upset though and asked where he was in the photos. I explained that he was the baby, but he was disgusted and adamant that it looked nothing like him. Time for another set of photos I think…. Although in another 3 years (the standard length of time for me to frame things), I think we could still experience the same problem.

I ‘treated’ myself to a new iron the other week. It’s one of those with a big water chamber that makes a huge amount of steam and cuts through the creases in record time. It is actually pretty cool and does reduce the length of time it takes to do the ironing (hoorah!). Also, you get a free sauna and steam facial with it, which HAS to be a bonus! I’ve been ironing today and listening to Sam’s varied and eclectic selection of songs on his iPod. How can a child go from ‘My Chemical Romance’ to ‘Mika’ via ‘Akon’. Very strange musical tastes, does Sam. He LOVES itunes and would spend the mortgage money on it if we let him. Gail’s brother gave him an iTunes voucher for ‘Christmas’ and in the space of 20 minutes, he’d downloaded TV programmes and was watching them on his ipod. Only his favourite though; Sea Patrol.

I took Sam to football yesterday with Darcie and Mr Cheese. I must have been a lucky mascot as Sam got ‘player of the week’. Darcie and Ads ordered me a ‘cup of chino’ from the coffee van that comes every week to wake the parent’s up and got themselves a hot chocolate with marshmallows each. They are old pro’s who now know the pros and cons of each ground that Sam plays at; including a grading of toilet facilities an on-site catering options. We also got Sam’s footy team photos yesterday – smart looking bunch, aren’t they?

Darcie has auditioned and been accepted for a Talent Agency. They interviewed her one day in the school holidays and then invited her back for photos the week after. She had a session with a professional photographer and will now go into their ‘talent book’ and go forward for TV and catalogue work. She’s very excited about it. It may come to nothing, or she may be busy….. time will tell. But whatever happens, she had a fab time in the studio with the photographer who made her pull poses, twirl round and flick her hair with the best of them….

The kids are back at school. Sam is trying really hard to ‘turn over a new leaf’ this term and work a little harder. They are looking forward to their topic this term on the Olympics and are doing lots of research on their chosen Country. (Sam was pretty smug to have picked Turkey - they are hardly the world's top when it comes to the Olympics, so listing all their medal winners should prove slightly easier than the poor lad with the USA - ha!). They are having their own ‘mini-olympics’ at school in the next few weeks.

Adam was pleased to get back to school (and his girlfriend!). Should be another busy term, but with so many things to look forward to at the end of it; I just hope it goes quickly and doesn't drags it's heels.

I know, I know….. it’s pink.

It’s the middle of Winter here. Cold, miserable and depressed (OK – that’s just me :o), so I thought I would use a little ‘new age’ colour therapy to ease the soul. I will probably be sick to death of it by next week and changed it back…. But until then, let’s ride the pink wave.

The kids have had their first week of school hols. It has been majorly uneventful. We’ve been nowhere and done very little! Paul and Sam went out on the boat together on Tuesday – more of a training session for Sam as Paul made him practice maneuvering and parking *gulp* Sam did really well. He’s probably more confident in the boat now than I am! However, Sam doesn’t have the encumbrance of a 4 year old welded to his knee or constantly asking for juice, crisps or a cuddle whilst he’s trying to moor and get petrol.

Actually - joking aside, Winters are bloody depressing here. The whole country is geared towards sun and outdoor pursuits that when the weather turns chilly and you can’t eat outside, the country shuts. The houses are freezing at night time; I have a redder nose than Rudolf when I glide into bed of an evening.

I’ve just re-read last year’s post from July and I was just as miserable a sad cow then as I am now! It’s definitely a weather thing; I’m convinced! I mean, we are so much further along than we were this time last year – house, business, kids; but it’s just a pants time of year. For some reason, it’s worse than Winter in England. Maybe it’s because we know how lovely it is here in the summer (whereas England never GETS a summer!), that we pine for the long summer days and the outdoor lifestyle; moaning about how hot it is and how many flies there are. Oh well, at least we’re conforming to type with the whinging pom bit :o)

Darcie's snow peas that she grew at school. Percy Thrower eat your heart out!

And, anyhow, at least we have Christmas to look forward to next Friday. I bought some Xmas paper plates, table confetti and cups yesterday in the ‘Xmas in July – 50% off’ bargain bin at Red Dot. I have purchased the watermelon and it is on an intensive IV of vodka in the fridge. As Mum put some money into our UK account to help towards Xmas (!), this will be her melon. I have lots of ideas in store for it – watch this space!

The melon getting slowly inibriated.

We have ordered a turkey from the butcher (who thinks we're mad), and will ensure all the Xmas trimmings are procured – apart from crackers maybe as we can’t seem to buy those :o( Will have to make do with party poppers and fake snow. We’re getting into the Christmas spirit. Gail’s offered to make mince pies and lots of alcohol will be drunk. If I can find the recipe, I think I’ll make mulled wine too! Tastes like crap, but makes the house smell lovely and Christmassy! Are you jealous? Perhaps you could host your own Christmas in July in Hertfordshire. OK? May not be the usual, but I’m sure you’d have more luck tracking down most of the ingredients for a slap up Xmas lunch than we will! At least brussels are in season here! All we need is a visit to Starbucks for their Eggnog or Gingerbread coffees :o( I loved those!

Paul had his check up with the docs last week and they are pleased with his nose and don’t want to see him for another 12 months. So that’s very good news. He and Sam went off together for the appointment (as you usually sit waiting for several hours). He’s also getting used to his glasses. Who’d have thought that they needed perseverance! He has got varifocals, so I guess they do take a little while to adjust.

On a tangent…. I’m turning into my Mum. I’ve noticed a few things recently that I’ve started doing that used to annoy the pants off me when Mum used to do them. The worrying thing is, I catch myself doing it; think ‘god, Mum used to do that, stop it!’ and then immediately continue doing it again! The worst one is tuneless whistling. I find myself doing this when cleaning windows or hoovering. Even Paul’s picked up on it now – telling me I’m having a ‘Mother moment’. I’m dreading to think what Mum and I will be like, wandering round Singapore like two of the Andrews sisters, mumbling and whistling tunelessly round the shops. I think I’ll pack us two headscarves like Thelma and Louise and we can hide behind some ridiculously large sunglasses, mumbling to our hearts content.

Not to be outdone by my trip to Singapore, Paul has swung a trip to a mining expo in Kalgoorlie. This is about a 6½ hour drive from us; but he’s flying, so should be there within an hour and a half. It’s Australia’s largest mining exhibition and it’s held every other year, and Kalgoorlie is home to the ‘super pit’ – have a look here: http://www1.superpit.com.au/ We’ve promised the kids we’ll take them here one day, although I think they’re more concerned that we’ll make them stand in the middle and then fill it in!

Our supplier is paying for his flights and accommodation, so it’ll be an interesting experience for him. It’s about a week after Mum leaves, so I’ll enjoy an empty house for four days – won’t know what’s hit me! Kalgoorlie has legalized brothels. No comment on that…… just wanted to tell you :o) Paul probably would ‘have a go’ but his glasses steam up and he’s virtually blind – as can be demonstrated when he unloads the dishwasher when it’s just finished: no man should be made to go ‘over the trench’ with an affliction :o) Have a look at their tasteful website http://www.theredhouse.com.au/services.html I wonder if they offer terms for 15 minutes? *shit, Paul will kill me after that comment - oh well, he never reads this crap anyway* I liked the bit where it says that credit card billing is discreet:

Visa Bill:

Dinner
Coffees
Sandwich for lunch
Whorehouse
Pack of gum

How funny!

I just left the window open and they all flew in......

I eventually put Darcie’s butterflies in her bedroom this weekend. I think they look really cool. They are supposed to glow in the dark, but we’re having such a small amount of daylight at the moment, they’re not ‘charging’. Damn these Chinese butterfly imports! I blame all this cloning – Dolly the Sheep has a lot to answer for.

My old man's a dustman...... all together now!

Here’s a photo of Darcie in her old fashioned hat that we bought last week. She tried on nearly every one in the shop, which will greatly impress their customers as when we got home, we realized she had her nits back :o( Bloody nits are driving me mad at the moment. We escaped without having them – ever – in England and for some reason we attracted them just after Christmas (don’t know how – I don’t remember advertising) and they’ve been in-situ since. I’ve tried to get rid of them – believe me, I’ve tried – but these nits seem resistant to anything that’s supposed to move them on. It doesn’t help that the great Aussie hairstyle for boys is Kevin Keegan circa 1977 and that most of the Mums don’t appear to give a sh1t about getting rid of them in their own kids hair, so I napalm my kids, only for them to sit next to nitty-nit-nerd the next day at school and – HELLO! – the nits are back home for dinner. I’m getting Mum to bring some whoop arse stuff over with her from England when she comes as the stuff they have here (all this organic crap – sod the organic – give me mustard gas!) seems to reduce the nits into fits of giggles; each time they laugh, another baby breathes its first breath. I tell you, whoever invented head lice needs to be shot. At close range. With a blunderbuss (don’t you just love that word? Three years and I’ve finally got the word ‘blunderbuss’ into the blog – yeay!) and all the mothers who refuse to treat their kids should be made to hoover up his intestines. There you go – Julia for a job in the Royal Courts of Justice, where she can dish out punishments with her own, unique sense of style (and antiquated words that people need a thesaurus to decipher).

We made cakes today, so the week hasn't been a complete waste :o)

So until we speak again, have a wonderful Christmas my children ( the Pope phoned me from World Youth Day in Sydney, but the answer service took a message – I was probably de-nitting Darcie :o). I shall think of each and everyone of you (well….. Mum, seeing as she’s the only one that reads this), whilst getting drunk on watermelon.

Australia, eh? Who’d have thought it??

Why is it that a new series of ‘Air Crash Investigations’ always begins once you’ve booked an airline ticket?

Sam and Darcie got their reports this week. They break up on Friday for a fortnight - and a day (damn those teachers and their training!), which is a pain as Adam goes back to school on the Monday and Sam and Darcie don’t go back until Tuesday. Does nobody cater for families with kids at different schools? What do you mean, not everyone is as awkward as me? Darcie’s report was brill with A’s and B’s. Sam’s was good also with similar marks, but we are meeting with his teacher in the new term to discuss his behaviour. He’s easily led and more interested in being the ‘cool joker’ at the moment than knuckling down and working (ooh, who does this sound like?) His teacher appreciates that this age group is THE worst for boys. They are finding their feet in their peer group. Pushing the boundaries of parenting and teaching (god knows Sam is pushing boundaries! I think he’s got a JCB in to help him!) At least the teachers acknowledge his potential, which is good, as when he puts his mind to it, he is intelligent, articulate and lovely to be around. However, when he’s not in the mood; its like living with Gordon Ramsay on a bad day :o(

Adam received his report today and it was more like a picture – full of images and colours. As expected, Adam is classed as ‘shy’ and ‘quiet’. Yeah – not at home though – you want to see him cut some moves in the lounge when Hi 5 are on! He's karate-chopping around the place now like a thumb-sucking Kung Fu Panda! He has done really well this term though and settled in nicely. He is now as vocal as to say he ‘likes’ school. WOAH! Big achievement! He is coming out of his shell, slowly. We were on the way to school on Monday and suddenly there was a loud ‘Oh No!’ from the back seat. ‘What’s up, Cheesey?’ we ask and were informed; ‘it’s Monday today – buddy class ‘ (when the older kids go in with them and play for a while). ‘I don’t like buddy class – they get on my nerves!’ Great! From a 4 year old. There really is no hope.

Sam’s class did their assembly item this week and it involved rhythm and skipping. Sam was NOT impressed and only held the rope for others to skip with. He had a few lines to say; which he delivered confidently; but was mightily sheepish about the skipping.

We’ve had more stuff done around the house this week and turf is scheduled for T minus two weeks. It’s really still a little too cold to lay turf as next week we still have a couple of frosts forecast which turn the grass yellow. So it’s best to wait for a few more weeks and know that it’ll be warm enough to stay green. We went to the garden centre on Monday and picked plants that we like. We are going for a ‘tropical’ theme including Birds of Paradise, palms, frangipanis and hibiscus. I’m quite excited about the garden aspect. It’s costing a large chunk of the budget (probably a lot more than we had originally anticipated, what with the pool and the paving!), but it should look beautiful when it’s finished. The landscaper has done lots of plans for us and should hopefully be on site next week / week after to start laying all the pipes for the reticulation (automatic watering system). I can certainly see now why Aussies don’t like corner blocks when you consider how much extra its costing us to landscape the verge :o( Never mind; its worth it for the extra space and I'm sure next door's dog will appreciate the option of somewhere new to crap on!

We had all the rubbish removed from the garden last week by Skippy the Bobcat driver (I think we’ve more than covered a few of his mortgage payments over the last few months!) and he did all the levels in preparation for the landscaping, so the garden – although sandy – is ready to rock and roll. It was so windy last weekend that the pool cover unrolled itself from the roller, extended itself fully across the length of the pool and then pulled the roller into the pool with it! We thought someone had been in the garden as neither of us had put the cover on. It was hugely windy last weekend though. Rockingham is developing the name of ‘tornado alley’. It’s had a few incidents over the last couple of months where mini-tornados have swept through and ripped roofs off of houses and caused a lot of damage.

We have had the pool fencing installed as well, so Pentley can nip out for a quick wee without me being in a constant state of panic about him plopping into the pool. It looks quite nice (if fencing CAN look nice?)

We’ve gone for glass just by the alfresco as it’s hugely expensive and we couldn’t justify having glass everywhere (even if it would have looked lovely).

The home cinema installation returned yesterday to hang the plasma on the wall in the living room, but the second bracket (the one they suggested we needed and we’ve had to wait for the last three weeks to be ordered) doesn’t fit and the TV keeps slipping down on one side :o( So another weeks wait until they can come out again with another new bracket. The TV is on the wall and it should be OK for the Olympics watching the running; they should be going down hill and therefore achieving record times! It’s not that noticeable, but they haven’t been able to mount the speakers either. Just annoying when jobs can’t be completed for stupid reasons and incompetence really. I’ll post a photo of the lopsided TV though so you get the picture!

The flowers are from my friend Gail as a thank you for helping her tidy her house before her move this week. Poor girl is exhausted. Look gorg, don't they?

And here's a picture of some b&w photos I had done of the kids today to sit on the new unit. I likey.

Both Darcie and Adam had an ‘end of term’ party today and took food and drink in to share with their classmates. Paul took Adam in this morning and said that some of the Mums had really gone OTT – really fancy wraps with vegetables cut into shapes. I really tried to do something nice for Ads. I asked him if he wanted me to do his sausage rolls, but all he wanted was marmite (the imported $ 27 a jar stuff – proudly sponsored by Nanny B), with cheese and (I quote) not with that ‘funny cheese’ you put in my sandwich last week (meaning nice cheddar); I want my special cheese (i.e. processed). So how proud was I this morning to send Paul in with a plate of processed cheese and marmite! I did cut the crusts off, so effort WAS made. Put that in your ‘vegetable shape’ pipe and smoke it. To be honest, you’re lucky I can even see in the mornings, let alone make sandwiches, so this is a major achievement.

I bet I lost marks on the ‘magical Mum’ chart today :o) and my star has been moved to the ‘falling star’ section – like Darcie has in her classroom. I’m sure the Mum’s get graded as well as the children. I always feel so inadequate when I drop Adam off. There’s usually something I’ve forgotten or I’m late dropping him off (because of the school run with the other two). It must be a private school thing, as I’m always left feeling like the student that’s stuffed up! I liken it to that woman on 'Keeping up appearances'. A perfectly competant women, until she's in the company of Hyacinth Bucket. That's me...... apart from the competant part, obviously :-) I'm usually composed and organised until I pull into the car park of Ad's school and realise I've forgotten his drink bottle. Or his hat. Or his 'special news'. God, I'm a failure! Wonder if they do an evening course entitled ; 'the organised mother; how to simulaneously bake a cake, hem a school dress, de-flea the dog and catch the end of 'Deal or No Deal'? There must be a need for this surely? I can't be the only incompetent, panic stricken Mum who's forgotten the library book on a Monday morning?

Oh - something to look forward to; we've invited Gail's lot and her bro's family over on Friday 18th July for a 'Christmas in July' extravaganza! There will be turkey and crackers and I might do a Vodka Watermelon - always fancied one of those! Should be fun. I'll try and take some photos, but I always end up drunk after half an hour and miss the moment. I'll try harder this time :o)

Thanks to Debbie for the 'New Home' card. It was really lovely and my post box really appreciated it - thank you very much :o) I'll email you soon!

Paul's got another ENT appointment with his consultant next week, so that's something to look forward to (NOT!). They always seem to fall in school holidays. Never mind, we'll have a trip to Fremantle and he can treat us to chips by the harbour after :o)

And just lastly...... there’s a couple of ‘really Australian’ ads on the TV at the moment; one features outfits for pets (you know the doggy combat coat – just in case your pooch should get called up for National Service), and no word of a lie, at the end of the advert in small print after the price is written ‘dog not included’. No shit Sherlock? Really? For $19.99, I’d want something to fill the combat trousers please!

Another ad shows a mobile download which imitates an X-ray machine so that when you run the phone over your hand, you can see an x-ray of the fingers. It says on the bottom of the ad; ‘Please note; this is for fun and not a real x-ray machine’. Help me….. I need to escape. They are sapping my brain cells………….

Escape from Woop Woop.

Big news in Camp Delaney this week on lots of levels.

We all had an interview at a local school this week and they have places available for all three cherubs next year. We had a tour, spoke to three Principals; Head, Head of Lower School and Head of Middle School and were given more forms to fill in than you could shake a stick at. The Middle School Head looked very stern and asked Sam questions about his behaviour and how much homework he did every week (!). I sat there not breathing for thirty seconds, waiting for Sam’s response! Actually he was honest and mature. Stating that his main failing at school was chatting and being easily led astray and that sometimes he needed a little push to get him to complete homework (a little push????? I’d rather push a car up an incline than get Sam do complete his homework! Reckon I’d have more chance of success too!).

Sam and Darcie both seemed to like the school and would like to try it there. Adam was a conscientious objector! The school goes from Kindy right up to Year 12, so that would (hopefully), be them there until College / Uni / Work. Pricing up the uniforms was pretty scary though at the best part of $1000 for all of them *gulp* and that was just the ‘summer’ uniform! Oh for the days of £3 trousers in Asda for school and five polos for a tenner! They even dictate what socks they are required to wear at $6 a pair. Think I’ll be spending $50 just on socks. I don’t know what happens to them in the laundry, I think they elope with Adam’s pants, but I put a pair in the wash and come out with an odd one. At $3 each, I suppose I’m going to have to take more care of them! I can see that come week 10 they’ll all be wearing each others; Adam’s will be flapping about like clown feet, wearing Sam’s, Darcie’s toes will be scrunched up in Adam’s and Sam…. Well, there’s no way he’d fit anyone else’s socks, so if I lose his, he’s stuffed!

They offer some pretty cool activities such as fishing, golf, woodwork, metalwork and circus skills. As we walked round the school, there were boys whizzing about on unicycles. Darcie asked what they were and Paul just explained that they could only afford one wheel and were saving up for the other one (probably had to fork out on the uniform. Sam won’t even get a wheel at this stage….. he can start with a bell and work his way up :o) As a down side though, at their current school, both Sam and Darcie learn Indonesian as their LOTE (language other than English) subject. At the new school, they don’t teach Indonesian only…… wait for it….. Japanese!!!! Good grief! Just don’t even ASK for help on the homework there!

The swimming pool cover was finally installed last week. It must have been a monumental day for the contractor as he has been trying to book it in for installation since December last year :o) It just looks like a giant layer of blue bubble wrap that sits on the pool’s surface.

We get a roller with it and will have to practice and get a ‘personal best time’. I would liken it to Dad putting the covers on Wimbledon (Mum will get it :o) We’re having the pool fencing installed this week – see, only a week late!

I’ll be pleased as the dog fell in the pool this week. Joking aside it was funny afterwards, but he couldn’t get out and as he tried to claw his way out of the pool, as he fell back, he went under the water. A few minutes of that and he’d be sunk at the bottom, swimming with the fishes. So, hopefully, by this weekend, he’ll be safely encased in his own quarters. We also had a meeting with the landscaper who is going to re-draft his design slightly and will come back to us with his revised ideas this week. Unfortunately, it’s not the ideal time of year to lay turf (ha ha – did a typo there and put turd initially: o) so it could still be a few months until we get any of the green stuff :o( Sand city it is (still). On a lighter note, Gail mentioned that you can buy Glitter Balls for your pool which float on the water and send different coloured lights into the water. A must for the summer ‘party season’.

In other ‘Domestic news’ we now have a washing line erected! After making many sexist comments about measuring me for the dimensions as I will be the ‘main user’, Paul and I fixed it to the house and tested it to almost full capacity.

We were both quite shocked when it was still in-situ this morning when we checked it. Knowing our luck, the garage side wall would fall down with the weight of washing, rather than the line simply falls off the wall.

Darcie received her Merit Certificate in Assembly this week. It turns out it was for her Aboriginal work that she tried so hard with.

She was chuffed that whilst Mrs Fletcher was shaking her hand and giving her her certificate, she asked Darcie to take it up to her office so she could see her work. Darcie came away with a very large grin and a special sticker from the Principal. Go Darcie!

On Tuesday night, my friend Gail and I went to watch Sex and the City at the cinema. The film was OK, but the company was fab and we had a good laugh and gossip. I’d booked one of the ’posh’ cinemas where you had the big ‘joey’ chairs and the separate lounge to wait it, but Gail said it was no different to watching it in the home theatre at our place! All we needed was Darcie coming round with drinks and popcorn. It was great just to get out for the night and relax.

And on to the best news of the week (possibly even the year – well, for me, anyhow!!). Mum has booked her flight over for September. She’s coming cattle class this time, is staying for a month and having a 4 night stop over in Singapore….. wait for it…… WITH ME :o) I’m flying out to meet Mum for four days of Mother and Daughter bonding. I SO can’t wait! We’re ‘home’ the day before Sam’s birthday. I’ve already booked afternoon tea in Raffles. It will just be gorgeous. AND I got a really good deal on accommodation at the 5* Mandarin Oriental, so I’m chuffed to little mint balls. I would like the thank Paul for letting me go – just hope the kids behave themselves! It’s worked out well time wise as we arrive home on Wednesday and the kids break up from school on the Friday, so Mum will get two weeks with the little cherubs. She’ll be here for my birthday too!